God's Plan

58

Jasmine

I was now back in LA.Aubrey was home in Toronto.Our trip ended on a really high note.We had found a counselor and our first session over zoom call was today.

I was a little nervous honestly.I wanted to dig into our relationship and fix things for sure but..I was worried about what kind of things we'd talk about.I felt like I have already talked about our relationship in high school so much that it would annoy Aubrey.

I don't know.The more I think about it the more anxious I get.

I sat down at desk in my condo and opened up the zoom app.I then typed in the password and I was sitting there with Aubrey and Dr.Shawn.

"Hello Jasmine.Good to see you."Dr.Shawn said

"Hi.How are you?"I smiled

"Im good.Thanks for asking."He said

I looked at Aubrey.

"Hey Aub."I said

"Hey baby."He said

"Alright so this is our first session so I just kinda want to get an idea of the nature of your relationship.To see what kind of foundation you've built."The doctor said

Aubrey was silent.

"Uhm..Aubrey and I went to middle and high school together.We..sorta dated in highschool for a while.It wasn't anything serious-

"That's not true."Aubrey said

I looked over at him.

"We hung out almost everyday those summers. I took her virginity."He said

"..Let me rephrase.Our relationship with each other was serious but there was no title..ever.He had an on and off again girlfriend so basically when they were off, we were on.I was second to her.Always."I said

Dr.Shawn nodded."So your foundation is a little shaky."

We both nodded.

"Alright so Jasmine.How did his relationship with this other girl make you feel?"Dr.Shawn asked me

I paused."..Um.Pretty fucking terrible honestly.She was your typical size 2, popular pretty girl..and I just wasn't.I always felt inferior and I felt like if it were ever between me and her he'd choose her in a heartbeat."

Aubrey sat silently looking at the ground.

"Is that true?"

"..At the time yes.But Jasmine knew I loved her."He said

"No..I didn't.You never said it."I told him

I watched him start to get frustrated.

"So this whole relationship is my fault?"He asked loudly

"Hey hey hey.Aubrey no.You have to let her express herself.If she doesn't get this out that resentment will just build."Dr.Shawn stepped in

I sighed."Im not looking to blame anyone.Im just saying that this is how those situations made me feel and we were sixteen.Im not still upset about it."

He took a deep breath."Im sorry.I shouldn't have raised my voice."

"It's okay.I understand.."I said

Dr.Shawn looked at us.

"Aubrey what are you feeling right now?"

"I just feel..a lot of guilt.I know that our relationship in high school greatly affected her early adulthood and it's the reason she's been hurting all of these years.I swear I wish I could take it back but..I was sixteen.I don't want to be held to the decisions I made back then."He said