God's Plan

65

Aubrey
A couple weeks later

I came in the house and called for Jas.

"Baby!"

She didn't respond so I headed up to our bedroom.

"Jas?"

I heard what sounded like her crying coming from our bedroom.I quickly ran up the stairs and went to see her on the floor by the toilet bowl.

"Shit.You okay baby?"I walked over to her

She nodded and then threw up again.

I held her hair for her and rubbed her back.

A few minutes after she had calmed down and relaxed, I helped her up so she could brush her teeth.

"Have you been throwing up all morning?"I asked her

She weakly nodded.

"Baby..why didn't you call me?"I asked and helped her into the bed

"I don't know."She mumbled and got comfortable

"You need to rest.Let me get you something to eat..and your vitamins."I told her

She nodded and closed her eyes.

I kissed her head and as I headed to the kitchen thought about our last appointment with the OBGYN.

"One a scale from 1 to 10, you said your anxiety was at an 8.With depression it was a 6."She said reading the form Jas filled out

I rubbed her hand gently.

"I think it would benefit you to speak with a therapist.This process can be extremely taxing mentally.It's a tough road but not an impossible one.These feelings can make it even harder to conceive."The doctor explained

Jasmine looked down at her feet.

"Uhm okay.Is that okay baby?Can we do that?"I asked her

"Yeah.That's okay."She mumbled

She'd had a breakdown just a few hours later.It seemed like all the progress she had made came crashing down.

"I just-I need to get better before we have kids Aubrey.I can't be like this.Im a fucking mess!!"She ranted at me

"Look at me.I understand that you're going through a lot but you need to stop yelling."I told her sternly

She sighed and sat down on the couch.

"Im sorry."She cried

"Baby it's okay.It's okay."I held her

She's been slipping into a depression and it's fueling her anxiety.She's just not doing okay right now.

I've tried to talk to her but the most I've gotten is that she's afraid of motherhood.She think she's gonna be a shitty parent and possibly relapse.She'd still do anything to have a baby.She still wants them but she's on edge about it.

After making her some breakfast, I went back up to our bedroom and gave her the plate.

"Thank you."She mumbled

I kissed her head and then brought her all of her vitamins.

As she ate, I watched as her hands shook and she moved extremely slowly.

"Let me feed you."I told her

"No it's okay."She said