The Scott's

Adult Problems,Kid Situations-Tessa

         I can not believe this.I'm loosing everything and I'm starting to feel like I deserve it.I caused this all upon myself,I jumped to a conclusion without talking to my daughter and sent her away.Maybe I was scared?Maybe I was too cowardly to face the music head on and just decided to take the most extreme measure?I don't know but it's costing me a lot.I just want to make it all right, make it all better but I don't know how.

I'm loosing grip on everything that I have.My beautiful baby boy doesn't even want to share a word to me.My very hansom love of my life wants absolutely nothing to do with me.Everything is falling apart and I can't do anything about it for I caused it.

Hardin won't talk to me so I do the only thing that I can think of.I call one of the only people that tells me how it is that.Kimberly.I thought about Landon because he most definitely tells me how it is no matter what but I really just need a females opinion plus he is Hardin's step brother and I don't wanna drag him into it.

"Kimberly."I say, my voice breaking.Hardin is sleeping in bed after a long night of us just little laying in bed doing absolutely nothing but staring at the wall.It was a drastic change from being constantly wrapped in his arms to having to sleep on my very own sad.

"What's wrong Tess?What did Hardin do?Or worse what did Emery do?"She laughs and I just look down, not responding.Her bringing up my daughters name hurts a lot more than anything else could ever."I haven't heard from her in a while.Did she ever tell you about cheerleading?She's really good at it you know."She laughs again.

"Umm, yea something had happened and she needed some help..."I try to say but I can't seem to finish the sentence."No.She didn't need help,I needed help.I have a bunch of unresolved childhood daddy issues and I projected it onto my daughter."My voice cracks as I let out a quiet sob.

"Tessa.What are you talking about?What did you do?"She says her voice stern and I can tell I am in for a scolding.

***

I finish telling Kimberly every single thing that has happened over the past month.From the day that irrationally had sent Emery away to right this very moment where Emery is no longer living in our home, my boyfriend is sleeping in the other room probably dreaming of breaking up with me, and my baby boy is at school ,safe yes, but still hates me, his mother.

"Jesus christ Tessa.That's a lot to take in."She huffs.At this point I am already crying so Kimberly's reaction just fuels more tears and I let out a quiet sob.

"I know.I messed up."I croak, sniffling and wiping my nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, the one that isn't Hardin's.

"Tessa you seriously have to fix this.Like if it's as bad as you're telling me than like you really did mess everything up.Hardin hasn't talked to you at all?Like for real?"

"Our last conversation was about breaking up.I can't loose him too.I have already loose so much and loosing him would be it for me.I barely have Auden and Emery is gone,I need Hardin.I need him."I sob.

"Tessa, there is no way Hardin would ever break up with you.He is just angry right now, as he should be.You fucked up, majorly.I mean sending your own daughter today?"

"I know.I know,I fucked up."I sigh, rubbing my temples.

"Then fix it.Stop sitting on your fucking ass, crying and get up and fix it.Tessa you're not a little girl anymore,I'm not gonna hold you and tell you everything is gonna be okay.You're not 18 anymore.You're a grown up and you're a mom.Grab your life back by the balls and make the change."She's right.It's my life and it's time I grab it by the balls.It's gonna be hard but I have to do it, to get my kids back and to keep the love of my life.I have to step up.I have to make it right.

"Tessa."I hear a knock at the door and it's Hardin.

"I I umm I have to go Kimberly."I whisper to her on the phone.

"Okay Tessa.Just make sure you fix this okay?"She sighs.I nod my head and hang up the phone.

"Tessa."He knocks again.I open the door and wipe under my eyes, taking a look at him."Have you been crying?"He scoffs, he's in sweatpants with no shirt.Right now I can't handle the scoffing,I just really want my boyfriend to hold me and just tell me everything is gonna be okay and because he isn't doing that I'm tearing up again.

"No.No Hardin, I haven't."I wipe my eyes again.

"Tessa.I can't stand it when you cry just please stop."He sighs, running his fingers through his messy hair.

"I'm sorry Hardin!I'm sorry that everything is falling apart and it's my fault!We're falling apart and it's my fault."I yell, sobbing.

"What do you mean we're following a part?I'm right here Tessa."He grabs my shoulder.

"You're not though.We're falling apart and you know it.It's all my fault."I sigh.

"Well it is Tessa.It's your fault.My daughter isn't living in this house and it is out doing god knows what.We don't even know if she's safe Tessa.What do you want me to say to you?What if she's dead and we know nothing?Then my son doesn't even wanna talk to me at all.You need to fix this Tessa and fix this fast."He says.He's angry, annoyed,and mad.Mad at me.

"I love you.Is that enough for me to at least fix us?I love you Hardin.We have been together since we we're 18.We have gone through more than any one could ever imagine.I love you.And all you need to say to finish our problems off is that you love me."I finish.I grab his hands and caress them gently as he looks into my pleading and tearful eyes.

"I love you too Tessa."He says, making at no point to look into my eyes.

"You said too."I let out, my voice barely a whisper.

"Yea cause I love you to Tessa."He's annoyed.

"Too means you're just agreeing with me."I mutter.His head snaps back to me and he runs his fingers through his hair.

"Tessa I can't do this."He has his hands up before he heads toward I closet.

"Hardin what do you mean?What are you saying?"I'm cry even more.He grabs a jacket and slips on some shoes."Hardin please don't leave me."

He looks at me with tears in his eyes and grabs my face caressing gently."I'm not leaving baby.I just need some time to figure everything out."

He begins walking out our room door but I hold on to his hand."Please."

"I'm not leaving."He mutters, more so to himself than toward me.

Then he's out the door.He's gone and I'm alone.I'm alone again.I begin breathing rapid breaths.I try to breathe in but it's like the air isn't going in.What's happening?

I fall onto the floor and reach for the landline phone that's on Hardin and I's nightstand.Probably be my nightstand only very soon, the thought itself causes me to need to take bigger breathes and type in the number even faster.

"9-1-1.What's your emergency?"The dispatcher says into the receiver.

"Can't."I try to take another deep breath but fail."Breathe."I then drop the phone and lay on the floor.Slipping away into the darkness as the receiver calls for me.But I can't move or breathe and then it all goes black.