Creature Of A Broken Past (Undertaker x Reader)

Chapter 46: Memories Part 2

Just a heads up - this chapter is very LONG!
I want to give credit and thanks to SHI21144518201518 for helping with this chapter! I hope you all enjoy this one 🖤

Confused. Worried. Scared. Terrified. Angry. Hopeless. Was all that I felt from when I was 10-12.

Tortured. Beaten. Neglected. Assaulted. Was everything that I had endured during those 2 years.

Hatred. Demons. Hell. Finally, confidence that I had felt, lived in and felt hope towards the end as I had killed those in the house and made my escape.

Running for my life. Getting shot at. Fighting for my life and finding Undertaker. “Please... Save... Me!” I tried saying out. “Lady Amora?! Is that really you?!” I barely hear him ask. I heard his footsteps rushing over to me before I had collapsed on the floor, still fighting to stay alive. “Lady Amora! Stay with me, okay? You’re safe now, I have you!”

I barely remember him wrapping something around me to stop the bleeding before carefully picking me up. I try wrapping my arms around him, but I was too weak to move. “Please stay with me, my lady. I promise everything will be okay.”

But unfortunately I wasn’t able to fight anymore, and everything went black.

I was 16 years old when I was able to be out on my own. Unfortunately I had learned that the month before my family had been killed and our manor had burned down. I was devastated. I had been through hell and back, taken away from my family, and then learning that everyone was murdered.

I was completely alone. I had no idea how to get in contact with the Marquessate Of Midford, or if they were even still here and well. I didn’t know how to contact Her Majesty. Or Aunt An. I was completely lost.

I was given a house of my own, and I eventually found myself a place to work at. I started working at a bakery, I was slowly starting to become happy at least. It was something that kept me distracted from being completely alone.

I eventually started wondering about father’s informant. For some strange reason I couldn’t remember his name. But I knew he was always my favorite person in the world. We had just about the same sense of humor. Same weird interests. Just about the same personality. I felt comfort in knowing I wasn’t the only strange, out of place weirdo in this world. Was he even still around? Does he even remember me anymore?

I slowly started to make friends at work, or, so I thought. One real friend at least. Luna and I became really close, and hung out often. I felt relieved that I was able to find someone to hang out with, breaking my life of solitude. I became somewhat close with the bosses.

I started wondering if I would ever find love, or if I would ever know what true love was or felt like. I knew my parents had fallen in love with each other at a young age, and had me at 18 years old.

Once I had turned 18, I was still alone in that category. I knew, or thought I was nowhere close to ever finding love. I wasn’t even sure how that would work out anyway, as nobody knew my true or full name. I never told anyone who I truly was. Who would even believe me anyway? Everyone thought all the Phantomhives were dead, including myself.

While Luna and I pretty much tell each other everything, I still never told her who I really was. I didn’t know how. There had been a part of me saying if I were to tell her, I would lose my one and only friend. I couldn’t risk that.

Suddenly, one day I had learned that one of my brothers, Ciel Phantomhive, was still alive after all. He was running his own business, Funtom Co, after all. Not only had he somehow survived, but he had also taken on his, or our, brother’s dream and brought it to life. All while working as the Queen’s watchdog.

I needed to see it for myself, that he was really, truly alive and that it wasn’t just some sick joke. After clocking out of work, I went straight to the Phantomhive Manor to see if it were true. And I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

There stood the manor, looking as if nothing ever happened, that it had never burned down in the first place. But in reality, just 2 years ago I saw with my own eyes that it had been burned to ashes with nothing left standing.

That was when I met Sebastian Michaelis, the demon butler that Ciel had made a contract with. I was angry to say the least. In fact, angry was an understatement.

How could my brother, the one who I had thought I lost forever, just throw away his life like that?! I had finally learned that I wasn’t alone after all, just to end up finding out that I would end up losing him all over again because of what he had done.

Then the next day I was able to see the Midfords again. I had remembered that I had been betrothed to Edward, but I had also learned that he had moved on.

You would think I would have been hurt, but in reality I was relieved. I never wanted to marry him anyway. I never liked the idea of marrying other family members.

Shortly after that was when I reconnected with Undertaker. I couldn’t have been happier, knowing he was still around and that he had never forgotten about me. That was also when I had learned he was the reason I was still alive. He had spent so much time out of his life to bring me back. I also learned he was doing the same with my other brother.

I ended up falling in love with him. I finally got to learn and experience what true love really was like. He was so perfect to me. He treated me like a queen and worshiped the ground I walked on. He treated me like I was the only woman in the world. He was my grim reaper. I had fallen in love with death.

We were set to get married. We had talked about our future with each other. He would find a way for me to be able to carry his child/children. He was my king. My world. My knight in shining armor.

But then something happened and changed within me. It could have been all the stress, worry, and everything else I was going through with trying to avoid my attackers. It seemed like everywhere I went, they were there, watching me. Trying to wait for the right moment for me to be alone and go after me again.

I suppose something deep inside me felt guilty for putting Undertaker in the middle of my problems. My troubles. My danger. He was getting put within the dangers of having me around. Without me knowing it, I was subconsciously pushing him away. I had been treating him the opposite of how he had been treating me. I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve his love. His attention. His affection.

I was subconsciously attempting to make him hate me. He didn’t deserve to put himself in danger and at risk for loving someone like me. He deserved so much better.

I was cursed. My fate had been decided that I would always be sought after and killed for being a Phantomhive. I wasn’t meant to be loved. Wanted. Have a family of my own where my children would be cursed as well.

Once I had some sense knocked into me, realizing how I had been acting towards the one I supposedly loved, I began hating myself. I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as him. I don’t deserve his love. He deserves the world. Not someone like me.

I started wondering if I should even fight to survive. I don’t deserve to live after everything I had done. I decided I’d be better off dead. Undertaker would no longer have to worry about having himself in danger anymore because of me. He wouldn’t have to suffer anymore because of how I’d been acting towards him. He could go back to normal, and find someone who truly deserved his love. His wonderful heart.

He can continue to look after my brothers. Hopefully he would be able to save Ciel from having his life taken by that demon. Have his old life back, but still find real happiness. That’s all I want for him. I want him to have someone who can love him as much as he deserves. Someone who wouldn’t dare break his heart, or make him question his worth, or if he was just as loved as he loved the other. Someone who isn’t selfish like me. Who isn’t self-centered. Who isn’t crazy jealous. Someone who is the complete opposite of me.

My only wish is that I could apologize to him. Apologize for everything that I had put him through and said to him. Let him know that I did love him. More than he could know. That I deeply regret everything that I had put him through and made him feel.