Intruded Trails (Van Doren Series #1)

Chapter Fifteen

Happy New Year!🎉

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Evil

Darkness is kind. Light is brutal.

Ito ang paulit-ulit kong iniisip sa bawat araw na lumilipas, at hindi pa rin ako naalis rito. Isang palaisipan pa rin ang lugar na ito. I feel like I'm between life and death. As if one was pulling me to the depths of death, and the other to embrace the new life.

I somewhat find my comfort here--no, not find. Made. I made my own comfort here. Sinubukan kong panatilihan ang kaayusan sa pag-iisip, na naririnig ko pa sila, na nariyan pa sila. Pero hindi ko naiiwasan ang mga pagkakataon. Ang mga pagkakataong bigla nalang sila nawawala.

Khaliel, Epione, Glinda, Tita Fatima, Zakira, and even Farren. Their voice couldn't stay with me for the whole day. Whenever they rest, I'm at my greatest fear.

Wala akong magagawa kung hindi ang maghintay, at mag-isip kung babalik pa ba sila. Whenever they sleep, I don't have anyone. Whenever they sleep, it is only me and my voice. Whenever they sleep, they kill the flicker of hope left in me.

Bakit ganito katagal? Ano ang kasalanan ko sa lahat? Bakit umabot sa ganito? I don't care anymore.

Kung ano man ang nangyari sakin sa mundo nila, kung ano man ang ginawa ko, at ang ginawa nila, ito ang naging resulta.

I've reached the end of the end. I was pulled out with despair, pain, and confusion. I've lost my mind, my self, my family, my humanity. They couldn't blame me if I want to be born again with fear and madness.

Darkness is kind. Light is brutal. Ano nga ba ang silbi ng isang ilaw? I remember Epione telling me about stars as maps of different worlds, or symbols of kings and queens. Perfect examples of light.

Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa ibig pinapahiwatig nito. It's funny, how they get the benefit to be adored by many eyes when the truth is they can't even live without the dark.

"Theana... Huwag mong hayaan ang sarili mong... maging ganito," nagsalita ang sariling boses ko.

May bumabalot sakin. Matinding galit. Ito ang bumubuo sakin rito sa mga nakalipas na araw. I can feel it conquering me, but I don't mind. I know I would become stronger with this. I want power. I need power.

"Pakiusap. Tigilan mo na ito. This is madness... you can't be like this. You are not like this. Hindi ka pwedeng mabuhay muli na--"

"Shut up." Pagpigil ko rito. "You are not me. You can't be."

"Kailangan mo itong sabihin kay Khaliel... Talk to him. Kahit siya ay hindi rin gugustuhin ang ganitong klaseng pagbabago..."

"At anong pagbabago ang tinutukoy mo? Nevermind. Whatever it is, it's for me."

"May tawag ang ganitong klase ng pagbabago sa Astraea. At hindi ito katanggap-tanggap. Mahihirapan ka lalo kung itutuloy mo ang ganitong pag-iisip. You can ruin lives, Theana..." Nag-aalalang tugon ng boses. Iisipin kong natatakot na ito. Natatakot na rito kasama ako.

"I found peace here. Hindi masama ang kadiliman rito dahil tinutulungan ako nitong mamulat." Puno ng kumpiyansa na sagot ko.

"You are only thinking that, Theana. It's... not right. You're behaving this way thinking that it is good because it's making you stronger, but it's not. It's not, Theana Khione. Hindi ito makakabuti sa iyo... sa inyo... Please. Create a light out of it. You can't be too comfortable in the dark..." It pleaded.