2 weeks later
It's currently January 20, and I'm still sad. I'm starting to get over it , but it's just ugh I don't know. I just can't believe it. I'm actually gonna leave the house today. Shocker right? I got up at 5:30 and did my morning routine Inside which is 100 squats 75 sit ups and 50 push ups. I got done and took a shower. I put on skinny jeans and a hoodie. We're going to the grocery store to stock up. I put my hair in a long braid going down my left shoulder. "Ready?" Kathy said. "Uh yeah." I said. We took my car. I grabbed my keys and my wallet with 40$ each from the girls. We walked out the door and of course, there is all the guys crowded by the elevators. "Great. Just my luck" I huffed. We walked down the stairs and went to my car. There was a note on my windshield. "I'm sorry" . I crumbled it up and threw it on the ground. Just stop I thought.I got in my car and turned the key and back out with Kathy. Kathy turned the radio on and we sang until we got to the store. We finally got there and got two buggies. We both went together, one for refrigerator/cold foods and other for solid pantry one. We got all the pantry ones first, which was brownies,cookies,crackers,bread,can foods, sauces,candies, and other stuff and then lunch meat,salad dressing, soda, 2 packs of water, and other stuff. We managed to put all the stuff on the counter for the lady to check us out, we spent $214.48. We hauled all the stuff to the car and we had atleast 15 bags, we don't use plastic so we bring out own. We drove home and I saw this flower shop, "flowers?" I said and pulled in the parking lot. We got out and rushed inside and I found beautiful white flowers. I bought a dozen and a dozen each person in our house but different colors. We checked out and went back home. Kathy called the girls while I parked. I grabbed 3 bags in each hand , and headed upstairs. I clicked the elevator button and it opened with Matt standing there with shawn. His eyes were puffy. They exited and Matt was gonna say something but the elevator door shut. I silently died inside. I kept look up because I would have cried my eyes out. "Why." I said. Ding. The door opened , I walked down the Hall and dropped my bags by the door and twister my key in the door. It opened and I struggled to get all the bags in but I managed. I started putting things away when shawn,Matt,and the girls came in. Great. I put everything away and got out a vase, I put my roses in the vase and went into my room. I decided to film two videos today. One for my main and the other for the collab channel. So I started with my collab channel. I put my spanks and a tank top with a cardigan. I set up my camera and went outside my door and put a note on my white board, "filming📹 don t come in ". I closed my door and locked it. I turned on my camera and said "hey guys! It's maggie and today's video , you already know, confession week. My confession is that I'm very , eh. Self confidence, self conscious. I'm proud of who I am just I hate the little things about me. So that's what I'm talking about this week!" I said. I pulled out my phone where I wrote my notes for this video and read them off. "Well to start off why don't I name them and say why. My face, wearing my glasses, my feet, my weight, how I look, I think I look fat everyday so i exercise every day, my legs, ugh don't get me started, so basically everything about me. Many people judge me and then I get trapped in this world where I'm constantly sad. I put on a smile and make these videos but some comments and stuff make me feel terrible. " I said. "And recently I've been feeling extra down. You guys guessed it . I'll be alone forever because I'm not worth it." I said pointing at a tweet I added in the video when I edited from some hater. "So yeah." I said looking down. "I grew up with my brothers and didn't care what i looked like and so I never felt bad about myself because they always told me I looked great. Well when I got to middle and high school I was apart of the popular kids but they bully everyone so it doesn't matter what group your in or what the presidents wife says that she's gonna stop bulling. It will never stop. Trust me, I've been bullied since middle school. I went through it and now I'm here." I said. "Anyways, I basically don't think I look the best all the time. It's just me. I'm gonna answer some of your questions I asked you to ask on Twitter. "What's your weight? I currently weigh 134 lb, I'm not afraid to say my weight. Second question , why did you and Matt break up , well uh. I'm not gonna be the one who says it because then I will be the bad guy.. , third question, what are you most self conscious about? Well mostly how I look and what people will think of me when I go out in public. " I said and went on. Then I was done and said my outro, "well there you guys go! My video and a little extra something! Hope you guys like the video and have a greatt day! Goodbye loves" I said and blew a kiss to the camera.
