Thanatos : The Black Dawn

(26)The Lost Crow

Another two days passed without any word or sign of him.

This time around, the anguish of not being able to see him was far worse. I had no idea how he'd perceived the last moment we'd shared. In my mind and in that passionate moment, I thought perhaps he felt the same as I did- this undeniable connection to one another that made no sense to my logical and rational mentality. Though, the longer we were parted from each other and the more hours passed by without hearing from him, the more doubt crept into my head.

Did I scare him away with all of these rushing and potent feelings? He did admit that he wasn't very adept in dealing with them, but... Gods. Neither was I? Yet, I really wanted to try and delve into this foreign land with him and see what was on the other side.

Would he feel the same way or was he going to try and squash these emotions and push them aside? I barely knew him and still, I felt like I truly knew him. It made no sense when I thought about it, but then again, none of this did. I was totally confused. I was irritated with this situation.

What annoyed me even more was the fact that the one person who'd pushed for this above all else, was missing. Hecate hadn't made an appearance since I'd screamed at her. Well, she screamed at me too. Hmph. Unbelievable...

I picked up an old Blood magic textbook that Hecate had left behind for me a few weeks ago. It wasn't as extensive and in depth as the one Thanatos had gifted me with, but it was okay. I stared at it with silent frustration.

I hope you're happy now... I'm a mess, thanks to you.

I sighed and Alexus lifted her head from across the study hall. We were seated in the large library of the academy. All the students were in class and the sky was pouring down rain outside. Thunder sounded in the distance. I loved thunderstorms. They always made me feel safe. Trita and Sonya could never understand that.

"Everything okay?" Alexus asked softly. There was no one in here to scold us if we spoke at a normal volume, but she still kept her voice low.

I placed the book on the desk and sat back in the uncomfortable, wooden chair. "No."

Alexus' eyes lit up. She wasn't expecting a truthful answer. "Oh." She looked uncomfortable. I don't think it was the chair. "Do you... want to talk about it?"

I didn't. Not with her. It wasn't anything personal; I just didn't see the point discussing this with anyone other than Thanatos. He was the one with the answers. Or at least, he was the one who could share my lack in answers.

"Not really."

"Oh." Alexus nodded and glanced down at the paperwork on her desk. She was silent for a few seconds, while I stared at the scenery outside. The tall window was arched and depicted the outside landscape as if it were a Van Gogh painting. The wind swirled outside and the colours ran dark and brooding.