Chasing The Moon

Chapter 19

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get ready for a boring chapter ✨

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I rolled over on my back, staring at the roof above me. I suppose my wishes were answered because I felt completely...

empty.

It was almost concerning, the way my eyes ached underneath, how each breath I took was hollow and cold. I squinted my eyes, trying to focus, but my vision kept blurring over as I reached for my phone, patting along my nightstand for it.

Ah...I forgot to text Kei like I said I would. I recalled the events of last night. Oh, how I so longed to be in his arms right now. Maybe it would be enough to distract me from the crippling depression weighing down on the depths of my mind, throbbing to take over.

But, I won't let it.

I still had to plant that garden I promised myself and my mom I would.

Yet I still had no motivation to get up from my bed, in which I was laying on almost completely naked, shivering from the cold creeping in through the cracks of the windows. It was still dark out, adding to the depressing atmosphere.

I felt my phone vibrate and picked it up to see what it was.

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Kei- Hey Tadashi 11:36 pm

Today

Kei- You alright? 6:15 am

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I sighed, reading over the previous message he had sent last night, the one I didn't get the chance to reply to while I was wallowing in my own self-hatred.

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I'm alright, I just fell asleep pretty early last night

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I watched as the read status popped up along with the three little dots, which then disappeared, leaving me reply less. I dropped the phone down next to me and stood up, wrapping the blanket around my bare legs. Clothes were strung out all over the floor, and I kicked them to the side with my feet, realizing the weakness in my movements. My entire body was sore, but I couldn't figure out why.

I stared at my uniform, my stomach twisting in knots as my anxiety kicked in. I didn't wanna go to school, I didn't even wanna leave my room. But I didn't want to stay here either, I think I'd go crazy.

If I haven't already.

My options were very limited. I heard my phone vibrate, and I checked to see a message from Kei on my lock screen, a simple "Ok" displaying itself. I unlocked my phone, sending him a response.

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Can we skip today? I wanna come over.

...

Kei- What happened to Mr. 'I can't fail' huh? 6:20 am

...

Kei- hurry up over 6:21 am

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A weak smile spread across my face as I thought about seeing him, sleeping with him with his arms around me. Every time I thought about it my heart lit up. I grabbed some underwear and sweatpants from off the floor, quickly sliding them on.

I paused at the door, praying my dad wasn't in the living room, that he was still asleep in his- no, my mom's- room. I peeked out the door, although I couldn't see past the stairway and into the living room, I could tell the lights were off, so I'm assuming the coast was clear.

I did my best to make sure I walked quietly, wincing every time the floorboards creaked underneath me. It was sad, having to be constantly aware in your own house from fear. He'd be hungover, and that would mean he'd be irritated at the noise, at me. My heart raced thinking about hearing that door open, about what he would do to me if he was in a bad mood.

The sun was starting to rise over the horizon, creating a blue and purple like glow to spread across the clouded sky. The air looked cold, like whenever you looked outside and you just know it's going to be freezing, even if the sun was shining. Hints of beer still rung throughout the house, making my brain ache as I remembered last night's events. I thought about grabbing the air freshener from under the sink to spray, but that would mean I'd have to stay here longer, and any second more was too many.

Plus, he didn't deserve to wake up to a nice smelling house.

I plucked the biggest jacket I could find from the coat rack and slipped on my shoes, the air sneaking through the bottom of the door making me hesitant to leave. But, I did, opening in the door to the winter-time climate, burying my face in my coat.

I made my way down the sidewalk, my feet already numbing from the little bits of snow on the ground. The golden sunrise wasn't doing much to provide me heat, the air from the nighttime still radiated, although the birds were singing which made me weirdly relaxed.

I spaced out all the way to Kei's house, my eyes were so heavy I could have passed out. Once I got there, I made sure his mom was gone and went inside without a knock. I eased up at the feeling of the warm air, the familiar scent making its way through my body. I could cry at how much I missed it, even if it was only a day. I had spent so much time here, this is what I considered my home now. After kicking off my shoes and jacket, I basically skipped to Kei room, ready to see his gorgeous face. It's been so long since I've felt his touch.

I peeked through the door to find a still sleeping Kei, his blanket laying on the floor. He had his back to the wall, and I quietly made my way across the room and to the blanket, picking it up and slowly laying it across him, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked so at peace, there's no way I could wake up. I could honestly stare at him like this all day. His blonde hair was messy, spread across his face and tucked up in the glass I assume he had put on earlier. I wanted to take them off for him, they looked uncomfortable, but I didn't want to ruin his much-needed rest.

I was tired too, but I could hold off a little while longer just to be able to see him.

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gay panics 🏃‍♀️💨

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