Chasing The Moon

Chapter 28

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feeling kinda gaE today

TW: manipulation, attempted suicide

Please, for the love of god, don't read if you're sensitive to the subject. Actually, you might wanna just stop reading rn this story is not for you buddy ;-; find a new one

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He loves me? He doesn't love me. What is he talking about?

"I'm really glad I get to be your dad, you know? I love you a lot, and I don't wanna lose you again." He leaned down farther, moving his hand that was on my head onto my cheek.

I felt something twist in my stomach, my eyes brimming with tears, yet I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face. It was weird, it felt wrong, hearing the words leave his lips. It was like my brain couldn't process it, him saying he loved me. I lacked his fatherly love for so long, just those three words shooting into my heart.

He stood up and shut the door behind him, leaving me encased in the darkness of the freezing room. I quickly snapped out of what I was just feeling, trying to jiggle the doorknob open, but it wouldn't budge. I knew there wasn't a light in here, so I let my panic take over me, the unawareness of my surroundings numbing my fingertips, my breathing becoming increasingly unstable. I leaned back on the wall, tucking my knees up to my chest.

Suddenly, someone appeared on my mind. And, not the person it usually was. It was her, the image of her dark brown hair and work glasses, her gentle smile, filling my mind. My lips quivered as I tightened my grip around my legs.

"Mom..."

I squeezed my eyes shut, my cheeks soaking up at the tears streaming down them, small little whimpers encompassing the very room I was locked in.

Why did she have to leave? I just...wanted her back. Everything would be okay if she was still here. As sad as I was, I felt angry. I felt angry at her for leaving me, for not spending enough time with me while she was still here. I know it's wrong of me, but it was true.

I hated her, I hated everyone. I just wanted to die, to stop existing, to stop being in pain. Everything kept crumbling around me, every day brought around another inconvenience that tossed me around like I was nothing. I didn't understand what I did to deserve it all.

Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was just such a worthless human being that I didn't warrant the ability to be happy.

I moved my head around the room, hoping my eyes had finally adjusted to the light but they never did. Then again, they were already blurry from the tears that had fallen from them, dripping on my hands and down my sleeve, making me shiver.

My eyes started to droop. my head falling forward on my knees. I inhaled deeply, the room quickly going silent. I felt cold, yet it wasn't from the temperature. My heart was freezing, or better yet, it felt empty. Every time I breathed in it felt like nothing was filling my lungs, as if I was completely numb.

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"Tadashi."

I slowly opened my eyes, the light straining them as I squinted. My dad was once again crouched in front of me, holding a plate of food.

"Here you should eat. It's pretty late."

He smiled at me and set the food down in front of me, along with a lamp that made the room even brighter. He left, shutting the door behind him, the light illuminating the room so I could finally see. I sat crisscrossed, staring down at the plate below me. My eyes wandered the items, a weird sense of disgust washed over me. I definitely wasn't hungry right now.