Chasing The Moon

Chapter 8

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switching back to yams' pov bc ima be honest...I don't like writing in tsukkis lol

TW: attempted suicide

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As the tears continued to stream down my face, the terrible thoughts filled my mind. I held the blanket up to my mouth and nose, holding in the whines trying to flee my mouth. I wanted to stop my breathing, my shakey, harsh breathing. I'm so stupid to think he'd ever love me back. What was I thinking? I wanted so much to forget everything. To forget what I had seen last night. I wanted to die. To stop existing for just a few days so maybe I'd get some kind of peace. Of course, that's not a bad idea.

Before I could stop myself, I was out of bed and rummaging for something, anything, that would be sharp enough to penetrate my already fragile skin. I found a blade that I had in the back of my closet, one that I used in middle school. Other than the intolerable sadness that made its way through my body, I was numb. I stopped cutting myself for a long time, but now, I just wanted to feel something.

Anything.

I sat on the cold floor, holding the dull blade towards my wrist. It hadn't been sharpened in a really long time so this was going to be hard. More salty tears made their way from my eyes as I looked at the pathetic image. Some day I knew it would come to this. Slowly, I dug it into my arm, but before I could make a deep enough cut, the door to my room opened. I jumped, unable to move from the position I was in. I watched as Tsukki's usual blank expression turn into one of fear. I stared at him, I was on the verge of forgetting about him. But I thought about our friendship, and what I was about to ruin. How much I was about to hurt him. Before I even said anything, he was down on his knees, yanking the blade from my hands and encompassing me in an aggressive hug. I could feel his heart racing on my own body.

I began to sob, holding him close to me. "Tsukki...I'm s-sorry...I'm real-really sorry," I cried into his shoulder, and his hand made its way up into my hair, holding me tightly to him.

"Stop apologizing...I'm to one who needs to apologize to you...I'm su-such..." I heard the gasps and hiccups start to come from him as he sunk deeper to the ground, bringing me with him. "I'm such a t-terrible friend...I should ha-have been t-there for you when you nee-needed me, but I was too cau-caught up in my own self-selfish ways to notice you were suff-suffering." We were now on the ground, him on top of me, as I clung desperately to his shirt and back. In the cold of my room, Tsukki made me feel warm. He always made me feel warm, never letting the cold take over me. Both of our bodies were shaking as we sobbed silently.

"You're not....you're not a t-terrible friend Tsukki..." I stated before my voice started breaking, choking on my own tears, "you're the b-best person in my-my life. I wouldn't be here if-if it wasn't for you. I never got to say th-thank you for saving me t-that day on the playg-groundd." A small smile found its way across my soaking face, and I squeezed him tight. I don't think I could ever let go now. He stayed silent, with occasional hiccups and coughs coming from both of us filling the silent room. Gradually, he relaxed more, putting more weight on top of me. I wasn't complaining though. I just wanted to have him close to me. We laid on that freezing floor for another 10 minutes before I felt him lifting off of me. I held onto him, bringing me up to where we were both sitting. I didn't want that feeling of warmth to end, so I clutched onto the front of his shirt and buried my cheek into his chest.

He sat his chin upon my head and rubbed his hands down my back to comfort me. I blushed, obviously, grasping his shirt even tighter. I always got flustered when he touched me, although that was rare, so I craved it. But, the silence made my thoughts regain control of themselves. I remembered him and Tanya, and about how this wasn't anything special. Just one friend stopping another from ending it all. I desperately held back my tears, I was tired of crying.