Anime (Poc) Imagines

Monster

Ngl I almost cried writing this. Imagine that out of all the literature to make me break it’d be my own.

Warnings: angst, suicide, negative voices

Suicide help lines: 800-273-8255,

The rain dripped down his discolored body as he stood in it. Unbothered by the lack of weatherly protection he wore, he allowed the droplets to collect on his lashless lids imitating the tears he couldn’t cry. Inky black lines fell down his face in a mockery of the sorrow he didn’t deserve.

It happened again, he should have seen it coming. Why did he expect it to be any different this time? The wilted flowers in his hand bent as the drops of rain they needed, crushed them in its unbearable weight.  It was your birthday, the day he thanked this Godless world for, something you would hit him for whenever you tried to share your bible study teachings. 

A shaken hand lights a cigarette as he recalls the sight he was destined to witness. Blue smoke filled the air and in the distance, he heard the siren of the authorities, but he didn’t care.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to not answer the door, you weren’t one to get up early. Something he took advantage of by snuggling close to your sleeping form whenever he snuck in. So he did his normal routine of walking around and jumping through your always-open window.

After stepping one leather-clad shoe inside he knew something was not right. Your usual smell of incense had dwindled down to only a spicy taste on his tongue. The darkness of your home was unusual in itself since you always thought monsters lurked in the dark.

He resisted the cough that swelled in his lungs as the smoke polluted the once clean air. 

Monsters, a topic you brought up so commonly, he almost believed them to exist. Laughter bubbles from his discolored lips. He supposed they do exist, in the down ridden alleys of the world, lurking to catch some unsuspecting victim and leading them closer to their own demise.

Then there were the once in our own heads. Oh, he was familiar with those. The nagging crawling feeling of them whispering in his ears as they dragged their claws along his skin, urging him to hurt either himself or others. He listened to their every whim and need just to get them silent for only a moment. Then you came along.

You didn’t heal him, he was no fool, this wasn’t a fairytale. But for the few moments he spent with you, he felt almost free, normal. The voices and urges seemed to lessen almost as if they were afraid of your brightness. Afraid of the smile that once lit up the room. The smile that told him everything would be okay, that forgiveness can be had by all.

But now, now he was afraid. It had only been a moment but he could feel them coming back tenfold. 

“It’s your fault. She couldn’t stand to be near you no longer.”

“You were being so selfish you didn’t even know she was hurting too.”

“There’s Dabi, doing what he does best and ruining things for everyone.”

The numbness he felt as the words pierced his brain was telling in itself. He tried to hold on to the words you once said, your laughter. Anything that would keep them away for a little longer. Why did you leave him, was it something he did? Was he so blinded by the selfless help you offered that he couldn’t see past his own needs?

The image of you laying on the floor flashed in his mind. The way your cold skin made even the furnace inside him tremble as he held your limp body against him. How the room shook as he wailed tearless cries rang throughout the lifeless home. 

He held you close against him as if encouraging your body to soak up his heat. That’s all, you were just cold, he could warm you up. All you needed was to be warmed up. Dabi had hoisted you in his arms. You had never felt smaller. Your hair was long overdue for a redo as stray strands tickled his nose. 

He laid you in your bed and draped the cover over your body. You could bathe later when you woke back up. Dabi sat with a beating heart, he raised a finger to light the dumb little candles you kept in your room but stopped as he remembered you didn’t like him using his quirk in the house. 

“She was scared you’d lose your temper and burn her.”

Dabi rummaged through the kitchen till he found a lighter, not forgetting to fill a vase with water. You would love the flowers he got you, some still had the root so you could grow them. The smell of the candles filled his nostrils. You said they were cinnamon eggnog but he could hardly smell with his burnt sinuses. The spice of the strong herb was the only thing that brought him comfort.

Dabi removed his dingy coat and laid next to you, you’d wake up, you had to. To protect him from his monsters. He held your steadily chilling body against his own, as he emitted a small amount of heat that he could share between the two of you.

 The sound of the birds awakening filled his ears. You would wake up soon, you loved to hear the birds in the mornings even though he found them annoying.

Open pill bottles laid complacent on the bathroom counter but he ignored them. You would never do that, they were just to help you sleep, or your asthma. You didn’t take more than nessasary, they werent’ ‘empty’, you simply needed a refill.

“Don’t lie to yourself you morron”
“Wow, she couldn’t stand to be with you so much that she took that route.

Dabi buried himself in your soft hair, no, that isn’t true.

“You should take some with her, I’m sure she had a plan two if these didn’t work”
“Go ahead, kill yourself like a coward!”

He kept his eyes squeezed shut in a way to protect himself, he wasn’t going to listen, you loved him. This wasn’t his fault.

“Dabi”
“Dabi”
“DABI”

The sound of your voice above all others drew him to silence, maybe he’ll listen a bit closer. You’ll tell all his monster off just like you used to.

“Dabi you’re horrible.”
Look at what you did to me”
I was dying and you did nothing”
I’m dead.”
“GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME!”
“Even in my last moments, you’re clinging like a kicked dog”
“Pathetic.”

The mantra of voices sounding of you filled his head. His chest bounced up and down from a breath he could not feel. His hands clenched in your shirt as the smell of singe filled his diluted senses. The sight of his blue flames enveloping your form haunting his dreams for years to come as he fleed your once happy home.

His memory is cut as he feels his fingers burn from the dying cigarette. He never even put his lips to it. You hated when he smoked. He didn’t need to anyway, the sight of your house burning to ashes before him, was enough to satiate his longing for smoke in his lungs.

Dabi released a scoff as he tossed the ashes onto the water flooded street he stood on. Monsters, what you were most afraid of and something he couldn’t even protect you from. How could he, when he was one himself?