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tw: death, depression



"Be strong, honey. We can do it."



My appa strokes my hair as he said those words. I think he's also crying, I'm hearing sobs. My dad is a different person now,  I always see him breaking down. I saw him as a stong and brave man, but that man also have a weakness. It's my mom.



I'm wearing a black dress partnered with a blazer and heels. I'm wearing all black, it's my mother's burial. During my mother's wake, only Jimin, Taehyung, Soojin, Haewon and Moon came to visit.



I don't know what happened to the others or even Jungkook. I didn't dare to ask them, I'm so tired. I'm just hoping that they are doing great.



I didn't cry during the wake, I'm so tired of crying. But I burst out when it's time to bury my mom. I can't stay where I'm standing, my knees are getting weak.



When I arrive home, no it's a house. How can I call it home if two members are already gone? Why is life so unfair to me?



I went to the master's bedroom, I walk to the closet. I saw my pictures attached at the wall. There are many filming camera's there, it was my mom's possessions.



I ran to my room to find something on my cabinet. I successfully found it and went to the bathroom. My tears flow nonstop. I was about to cut my wrist with the sharp blade that I saw on my cabinet but someone is banging the door.



"Heiran! Open the door!" The voice shouted behind the door. I was thinking if I will continue what I'm doing or open the door.



I was panting and breathing heavily. He successfully banged the door, it reveals Jimin. He grab the blade and throw it somewhere. He gave me a tight hug. This is what I need.



"What do you think you're doing? Are you even thinking? Wake up!" He shouted but it was full of concerns. Jimin was crying right now. I wake up to reality, what am I doing? Will they come back if I cut my wrist? No.



"It's fine to shed your tears but please don't tear yourself, I don't want to loose you Heiran." Jimin said between sobs. His hug gets tighter everytime he sob.



We calmed down after some minutes. I didn't realise that I fell asleep on his chest.



I woke up around 8 pm, it's because of my phone vibrating. I'm laying on my bed and Jimin was nowhere to be found.



From: Haewon

If you're going to attend school tom, I'm just going to inform to you to bring the poem or essay that we wrote few months ago. That's what we are going to do tom. Cheer up! Luv u.



I sighed before drifting again to sleep, I didn't eat dinner because I don't have an appetite to. I wake up with a puffy eyes, probably because I woke up pass midnight and started to cry again.



I went to school doomed. I didn't attend my morning classes, Jungkook wasn't there either. I decided to stay at the rooftop, the whole morning. I just went down when it's English Class.



"Hello Heiran, please take your seat." Mrs. Oh tried to be nice even though I'm super late. I just nod and walk to my seat beside Jimin. Jungkook was here now but he's sleeping. I'm thankful that he's fine.



Mrs. Oh ask to get the poem or essay that we wrote. She is going to check if our english improved. She got shocked when I raise my hand. She hesitate to call me but she sighed in defeat.



I'm crying, I fell like dying.
I need comfort, but nothing is sort.
I messed up, troubling to get up.
My feet is trembling, my heart is pounding.
Locked in darkness, can't find happiness.
I'm so breathless, I feel the emptiness



Everyone went silent as I recite my poem, I wrote it earlier when I'm at the rooftop. I gave them all a fake smile before going back on my seat.



School ended, Haewon will drive me home. I waited her on the parking lot. I sniffed some air before sitting on a bench.



"Is your relationship with Jungkook fine?" With that question, I immediately look at Haewon.



"Yeah, we're okay." I lied. I think our relationship is not going to work anymore but I still love him, so I'm going to fight for our love.



Haewon just gave me a small smile and take her attention to the road. I was staring at the road that we passed by.



I start asking myself things about our relationship, overthinking rather. Are we still okay? Am I sure that I still need to fight for us? How can I fight for our love if I felt like I was the only one who's fighting? How can I fight for us if we already lost love's greatest foundation? Time.



We bid goodbye to each other and I opened the gate infront of me. I was about to go inside but my phone rings, Soojin is calling.



"Hey girl, sup?" I smirked and act cool and fine. But my smirk faded when I heard sobs.



[I need you.]



"Where are you? I'm on my way." I ran as fast as I could to go to her immediately. I didn't hang up, I was really worried to her. I get my keys and drive my car to her condo.



I opened the door, revealing a messed up Soojin. I can see myself in her when I was loosing myself. Can you please stop thinking about yourself now, Heiran. Your bestfriend is breaking down.



They argued the day before yesterday and she didn't inform me? What a friend. She said they broke up earlier, what's with December? I thought everything's going to be fine because Christmas is near. But it became a nightmare for me.



"Taehyung is an asshole, he doesn't deserve you." I joked to make her laugh, I successfully did.



I don't know how they broke up, she don't want to tell me but I think it's better for the two of them to seperate. It can help them grow and fix their lives.



"You will be fine, Unnie. Maybe not now, but soon." I tried to say some comforting words to cheer her up. I don't want to see her crying over a guy.



I didn't leave her the whole night, I stay by her side. She even sleep in my embrace. I woke up with a puffy eyes, I cried with her last night. That's what you called bestfriend goals.



I left in the morning, she's still sleeping. I just left a note and vanished. It's Saturday though, she can sleep all day if she want. Christmas holiday also starts today. We have a whole month to rest.



I sighed before leaving her room. I don't want to be hurt like this. Love is now creeping me out.



"I hope he won't hurt me. I do not want to feel pain anymore." I whispered before going inside my car.



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