He's Dating the Campus Nerd

Change Forty - Seven : Burden.

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CHANGE FORTY – SEVEN : BURDEN.

Sabrina’s POV :

I feel like I’m walking in an empty road, like I’m the only crazy person walking at 1am. Sounds funny right? I feel like I’m insane. It’s kinda weird that I could even manage to walk after all that I’ve been through. Never thought na hindi pa pala tapos ung mga kasinungalang nalaman ko kay Nathan.

Can’t imagine that my friends would do the same, I felt betrayed and it breaks me.

I wander my eyes around, I can see cars, streets lights, christmas lights. I could even hear christmas carols, “Merry Christmas?” I ask myself. Eto ba ang simula ng pasko ko?

Ang malas ko naman.

Natawa ako sa sarili ko, mukha na nga talaga akong baliw. Bakit kaya nararanasan ko yung ganto? May mali kaya akong nagawa ng hindi ko alam? Umiling ako, how can lie to me? Even if it’s for my safety but of course, buhay ko na ung involve, sana kahit konti nagsabi sila sakin.

Maiintindihan ko naman. Sana lang sinabi nila.

I passed by a waiting shed, umupo muna ako saglit and let myself digest everything, pinipilit kong intindihin ung mga nagawa nila sakin that maybe it’s for my own safety pero kahit anong pilit ko, hindi ko parin maintindihan kung baki nagawa nila akong lokohin.

I bit my lower lip as I felt my visions became blurry, when will my tears stops from falling anyway? “For 3 years,” I whispered, “3 years of believing that everything would be better.” Pinunasan ko ung mga luha ko pero it doesn’t stop.

I feel so vulnerable.

I just feel helpless.

Huminga ako ng malalim, even though I find it hard. I felt my heart crashing, sobra sobrang dami ko namang problema. I just can’t handle it anymore. Do I really deserve this? I was just staring at the stars, its was calm, it shines but not enough to make me forget.

Nakikinig ako sa christmas carols pero parang kahit anong gawin ko, hindi gumagaan pakiramdam ko. Mas lalo lang bumibigat ung loob ko, it remainds of how lonely I am right now. I bit my lower lip, close my eyes and shook my head. Tumayo na ko ulit at nagsimulang maglakad,

I need to walk kasi pagtumitigil ako, the silence makes me more insane. Baka mamaya mabaliw na ko but I stopped as soon as I heard someone called my name, “Sabrina!” Napalingon ako and there I saw Kirsten.

I feel like a baby, I was crying and my lips were trembling upon seeing her, I felt like she was my only hope. Na siya na lang ung makakaintindi sakin, I saw her like she was the one who will save me from this misery.