He's Dating the Campus Nerd

Change Thirty - Eight : Lost.

 

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CHANGE THIRTY – EIGHT : LOST.

Sabrina’s POV :

I was staring into the night sky, I felt the cold breeze of the thin air touching my skin.

I closed my eyes, I’m standing on the concrete  walls of the rooftop. One wrong move  and that’s the end of me. I’m scared to be honest, I’m scared that in just a second, maybe minute, I’ll come falling fast from the top of this 10-storey hospital.

My heart was beating fast.

I don’t even know why am I here, bakit ko ba naisip na gawin to? I shook my head, maybe because I’m tired of being the broken one. Minsan talaga dumadating sa point na hindi mo na kaya, yung tipong gusto mo ng sumuko.

I just can’t bear the pain crashing me down, all at once.

I laughed bitterly ng maalala ko lahat ng nangyari sakin. How can I bear this too much pain? I was so close of losing my mind. My feets were cold, its windy pero hindi ko ininda yon, what’s running in my mind right now is giving up.

Gusto ko ng matapos lahat ng nangyayari sakin.

And if dying is the only answer I will, so that my brother can also live.

Is this being selfish again? I guess I’m being selfless.

Tumingin ako sa baba, where I can see those tiny little cars, it’s a busy road. Naririnig ko ung mga busina, nakikita ko ung mga ilaw ng buildings. Kung tatalon ako, iilan lang ang makakakita.

I’m not that very known, well maybe if I’d die today, maraming makakaalala sakin pero makakalimutan din ako eventually.

But I know the pain will go away.

I closed my eyes once again as I felt my heart beating fast.

Am I gonna jump?

Eto ba nararamdaman ng mga magpapakamatay? Kinakabahan din ba sila? Or pikit mata na lang na tatalon? I took a deep breathe before I could jump. I was about to take a step but then I closed my eyes at nakit ko ung kapatid ko, its like everything came flashing back into me.

His smile, his laugh, everything.

I gasped as I opened my eyes, I took a step backward, “What was I thinking?” I whispered saka ako bumaba. I felt my knees weakened kaya napaluhod ako sa sahig. It was so cold. “I’m planning to kill myself.” Napatingin ako sa harang na inakyatan ko.