Universe and Arizona

Part 59-61- Baby Hope

Two months later you get an email from Bailey asking if you are returning to Grey+Sloan, she says she will have to give your place to someone else if you don't come back soon.

It's your first day back and you haven't spoken to anyone for two months. Arizona is in the lobby chatting to Amelia.
You go up to her.

Arizona: "you're back" her face drops.

Amelia walks away

You: "can we go somewhere to talk?"

Arizona: "I have surgery" she walks off.

You wait outside the OR until she comes out.

Arizona: "what are you doing here?"

You: "I want to talk, I need to talk"

Arizona: "you had two months to talk"

She begins to walk off but you step in front of her.

You: "Arizona please"

She looks down at the floor.

You: "look at me please"

Arizona: "i um- I have to go. I have patients"

You grab her hand and start to walk with her.

Arizona: "what are you doing? I have to go"

You: "we're going to talk. I just want two minutes"

You pull her into a supply closet.

Arizona: "what do you want"

You: "Arizona I am so so so sorry. I love you"

Arizona; "if you love me, why'd you leave me?"

You: "I just didn't know how to cope."

Arizona: "you talk to me. Tell me how you're feeling. That's what you do in a relationship"

You: "I know. It's just - I've never had someone that cares so much, I am so used to dealing with my problems by myself" your voice is shaky.

Arizona: "but you don't deal with them, you run away and you hurt people" she says in a soft quiet voice.

You: "I know and I'm sorry" you're eyes filling with tears.

Arizona: "so what happened, why did you leave?" She says in a caring tone.

You: "I um - I" you're struggling to get the word out.

Arizona: "im just going to go, you clearly don't want to talk" she's starting to get slightly angry.

You: "no don't!"

She opens the door to leave but you close it and step in front of her.

You: "that night at April's. Jackson asked about kids. And you said we'd have one or two more" you're looking down at the floor.

Arizona: "yeah" she's looking at you confused.

You slide down the door and sit on the floor. Arizona sits beside you, looking at you concerned.

You: "I freaked out when you said you wanted more kids. I um - I didn't think you did. I know you didn't before Sofia. And then Sofia happened and I just assumed that you didn't want anymore. And it terrified me that you do"

Arizona: "Okay?" She's confused

You: "you know that tiny tattoo I have on my wrist?"

Arizona: "yeah, the number 28?"

You: "yeah it's um, it's for 28hours" you stutter.

Arizona: "what do you mean?" She is growing more concerned.

You: "it's how long my baby lived for. 28 hours" tears begin to run down your cheeks.

Arizona: "you had a baby?" She's shocked.

You: "a little girl, her name was hope"

Arizona: "oh Y/N I didn't know" she tucks your hair behind your ear and holds your hand.

You: "of course you didn't. I've never told anyone"

Arizona: "what um, what happened? When was this?"

You: "I was 17. I didn't show too much so it was easy to hide. I was living with a friend at the time because, well you know what mine and Alex's parent were like. I got a job and worked hard, I got a flat two weeks before she was born. I went to all of my doctors appointments and everything was fine. My labour and birth were fine. We were both fine. Hope was born in the morning and that evening they let us go home. The next day, I put her down for a nap in her cot just before lunch. When I checked on her 10 minutes later, she wasn't breathing"

Arizona: "you never told anyone? No one was there with you? hopes dad?"

You: "you're the only person that knows, I never told her dad" you look down at your hands and haven't even looked at Arizona.

Arizona: "were you and him not together or? Was he the same age?"

You: "he um, he" you can't speak

Arizona: "Y/N you can tell me"

You: "he was 19, we were really close friends. I went to a party one night and had too much to drink. He said he'd take me home, but instead he took me back to his house and umm, well I was too drunk to stop him. When I woke up in the morning I got out of there. I tried to avoid him but I would still see him around. So I never told him because I didn't want him near me or the baby"

Arizona: "oh Y/N, why didn't you tell anyone?"

You: "I um- I" you burst into hysteric tears.

Arizona moves closer and hugs you.

You: "I never had anyone I felt like I could talk to about this. I have bottled this up for so long and have just been going crazy. I think about this all the time. I can't do this anymore" you hold you head in your hands.

Arizona: "have you ever tried to hurt yourself?"

You nod whilst still crying.

Arizona takes your hand
Arizona: "let me help you. You never had the chance to grieve hope and to recover from everything you've been through"

You: "so you forgive me?" You finally turn your head to look at her.

Arizona: "of course. But please, don't run away again. Talk to me. Even if you don't want to talk, I'm here for whatever you need. You're my fiancé and I love you"

You: "you still want to marry me? Even after I've told you all this?" You've wiping your face.

Arizona: "why wouldn't I? Your the same person you were when I met you. You're strong, caring, loving and you've survived so much. You're amazing"

You lay yourself against Arizona's chest and she wraps her arms around you. You start crying again and she kisses your head.