If It Is You (Y.Jw) [Sequel]

Jiyeon the Monster

October 2022

The moment I had jolted up in bed I already had tears streaming down my cheeks. I could feel how wet they were and the small trickling feeling of the tears' continuous fall. I felt like absolutely shit. I felt so guilty, but also so sad at the same time.

I immediately looked to my side where Jungwon stirred awake. I quickly rushed over the edge of his bunk and crouched down on the floor beside it, hoping he would think me to just having gone out to get a glass of water or something. I couldn't face him right now, I simply couldn't. But at the same time I really needed to hug him.

"Ji?" his tired voice called out and I knew he could see me, "what are you doing down there? Get back up here," he muttered and pulled on my arm for me to get back into the bed.

I immediately just jumped up and latched onto his neck, holding onto him tightly. I kept on grabbing more and more onto him, as if I was scared he would either throw me off or just disappear.

"Woah... hey... what's happening?" Jungwon softly spoke as I could feel his hand rub up and down on my back before he brought me further up into the bed, "Ji~ speak to me."

"I'm so sorry," I muttered making his hand stop in rubbing my back as I dug my face into his shoulder, "I'm so sorry," the second one came more out as a whimper than a mutter.

"Woah... hey... are you crying?" he questioned and moved my head from his shoulder making me immediately shake my head and look anywhere but him as I could feel his thumbs dry my cheeks, "why are you crying?"

"I'm so sorry," I repeated in a whisper.

"Lets go out in the livingroom," he muttered and carefully tugged me with him out in the living room, holding a tight grip on my hand all the way.

He carefully sat me down on the couch before sitting down beside me. I immediately pulled my knees up to my chest and refused to look at him as I felt my tears continue to roll down over my cheeks.

"Ji... tell me, what is happening with you?" he softly spoke as I just shook my head, "was it a bad dream?"

"I... I think so," I nodded at him.

"Then tell me," he urged, "tell me so I can tell you it's alright and I'll protect you from all the evil monsters you've dreamt off."

"What if I'm the monster?" I muttered making it go silent before I glanced over at Jungwon, who just sat and looked at me with a baffled look on his face.

"Sorry... you're what now?" he questioned and blinked a few times.

"I'm a terrible person," I muttered and he immediately shook his head at me, "I'm so sorry Jungwon."

"Yah... tell me, what happened," he complained in a small whine.

"I promise I will never actually do it, I promise, I promise, I promise, I pro-" he immediately cut me off.

"Stop it!" he sternly stated making me immediately shut up and look at him, "tell me what you dreamt, we're not going back to sleep before you tell me."

"And you won't be mad at me?" I questioned making him frown.

"Why would I be mad over a dream?" he let out a small laugh before immediately stopping once he looked over at me, "you really are scared to tell me, aren't you?" he questioned and I slowly nodded. He immediately reached over and pulled me over to sit in his lap before tugging my hair over my ears, "I promise you I won''t be mad... now tell me, you got me worried about you."

"So uhm... I was..." I started off and closed my eyes before staring up at the ceiling, "I don't know who or why... but I was... I was kissing another boy and you... and you saw," I explained and ran a hand through my hair in frustration, and he just hummed, "but I would never do that. I promise. I will never ever do that."

"I know Ji, I know," he assured and tugged my hair back behind my ears, "I know," he assured once more after I had continued to just look at him, "continue."

"And then... you... you ran off and these..." I sucked in a deep breath before placing my face in my hands, making Jungwon start rubbing soothing circles on my back, "it was so real, and I really... I really believed it. I really did... and... and..." I gasped for air as I felt myself begin crying even more.

"Hey... it's alright," Jungwon softly spoke and I just nodded as I tried to contain my tears and sobs, "look at me," he softly turned my head to look at him, "I'm here, I'm fine. You're here, you're fine. The boys are all sleeping, they're fine. Nothing bad has happened. Okay?" he questioned and I just nodded at him, "now... continue telling me about your dream."

"So uhm... you ran off... and you were crying and... and... you ran... you ran out on the street and uhm... bam," I explained at a loss for the right words in the right language.

"A car hit me?" he questioned and I nodded as I felt tears well up in my eyes, making him quickly wipe them away.

"It hit you... and you... you were laying so still... so terrifyingly still," I sighed before dropping my face back into my hands, "and I went to you and you told me it was all my fault, and it was, and then- and then- and then you just stopped... you weren't breathing or talking or anything. You were just so blank and lifeless and it was my fault, it was all my fault," I cried out.

I felt Jungwon quickly wrap his arms tightly around me before pushing my head down onto his shoulder as he quietly rubbed circles on my back and rocked me slowly back and forth as I just sat crying.

"Ji?" Jungwon eventually spoke up as he ran his hand slowly through my hair as I had begun calming down again, "are you scared of hurting me?" he questioned and I immediately nodded, "I know... I know that you would never dream of doing such a hurtful thing to me. It just isn't you."

"But what if I do?" I sniffled as I dried my eyes.

"But you wouldn't," he reminded as I just nodded, "and I know that. You know what I also know?"

"No," I whispered as I shook my head.

"That I look out before I cross the street," he grinned making me let out a small laugh before just nodding, "now... how about we forget about this bad bad dream and go back to bed, and you hug me as tightly as you possibly can and need for the whole night, to make sure I am there."

"You just want cuddles," I let out a small laugh at him.

"I'd rather see you smile than cry," he softly spoke making me sadly nod, "and you are completely right that I just want cuddles. But I also want you to feel safe and calm when you sleep, and I know you feel that when you sleep in my arms."

"You sound so self-satisfied," I let out a small laugh at him as he carefully raised his hand and pressed a finger on the corner of my eyes to wipe away the excess tears.

"I know," he nodded, "but am I wrong?"

"No," I admitted as I shook my head.

"Now... back to bed," he stated and happily picked me up bridal style before walking back towards the bedroom.

"I can walk you know," I commented as I continued to sniffle.

"Oh dear god no, you're too much in shambles to work those legs at the same time you work thsoe sniffles," he stated making me let out another small laugh as he stepped into the bedroom.

He carefully laid down with me on the bed and brought me in close to me, before tugging the duvet around both of us.

"Ji?" Jungwon spoke up and ran a hand through my hair as I just nodded, "I know you'd never do such a thing... and I promise to look out when I have to cross a street."

"Thank you," I muttered and pulled him in closer.

"Now try and sleep," he reminded and pressed a kiss to my forehead, "I promise I'll be here and alive in the morning."

"I know," I nodded at him.

"And remember I love you.

"I love you too."