If It Is You (Y.Jw) [Sequel]

Chapter 16

I couldn't sleep. I had tossed and turned for hours on end now, and I knew why I couldn't sleep. I'm sure I probably turned over for the millionth time this night, before silently crawling down from my bunk. I silently grabbed my phone on the way out of the bedroom and carefully closed the door behind me, moving out to sit by the kitchen table.

There were only about two weeks till our debut, and I couldn't get myself to wake up any of the boys for just this. They all had so much to worry about already. So instead I somehow got to the decision to interrupt another person's sleep.

"Jiyeon-ie?" Geonu's tired voice questioned after two rings. Back at I-Land, I had leaned against him a lot, mainly because we shared a room together, and he was the oldest in our room. He really seemed to see me like a younger sister and had taken so much care of me. No doubt why it was so hard for me when he got eliminated.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," I quickly excused him and I could hear him shifting about on the other end.

"No, no. It's fine, I know you would only call at this time if it was urgent," he assured me, "so tell me. What's bothering you?"

"I just... I don't know if I can do this," I quietly admitted, deeply not wanting the boys to hear.

"You've got a lot on your plate recently, haven't you?" he questioned me and I hummed in reply, "what's bothering you the most?"

"I don't know, to be honest," I admitted before sighing, "I just think... I'm not completely over my dad yet, and no matter how happy I am around the boys, I just feel so sad whenever I'm alone or the other's have gone to sleep. I feel so stressed all the time, and I think it's just eating me away."

"Jiyeon... your anxiety isn't acting up again is it?" he questioned with worry, I stayed silent for a long while as I quickly dried my eyes.

"I think it is," I quietly admitted to him making him sigh at me.

"It's been what? Five years since it last was bad," he stated and I hummed in reply, to confirm that, "Jiyeon, you know I can't help you with this. I can talk with you, but I can't help you if your anxiety is acting up again. You have to speak with one of the boys about it."

"But we're already so busy, and have so much to worry about. I don't want to add more onto that," I excused to him.

"Jiyeon, you know very well yourself, that it's just a question about time before they realize something is up with you. If you don't tell them they can't help you and you just spiral down even more, and something tells me that there's more bothering you than what you have told me," he warned me and I nodded as if he could see me, "if you don't say anything I will."

"Please don't," I practically begged him.

"I can't promise anything. You're not supposed to be feeling this," he pointed out to me and I hummed in reply, "try and go get some sleep, okay? You need that."

"I'll try," I nodded, "thank you."

"Anytime Jiyeon," he assured me before hesitantly ending the call.

I let out a small sigh before letting my head drop and lay itself on the table as I just sat in my own thoughts.

"What are you doing up?" Sunghoon's voice spoke up from the door to the kitchen, and I looked over at him.

"Just needed some water," I excused and got up from my chair and walked past him out of the kitchen.

I silently entered the bedroom once again and laid my phone back where it had laid before I stood up to speak with Geonu. I quietly crawled back into my bunk and turned so I would be looking into the wall. Not long after I could hear Sunghoon return.

"Bubs?" he called out softly as he shook my shoulder softly and I hummed in reply to him, "you tell us if something is wrong, right?"

"Of course," I turned around and smiled at him. He stared at me for a good while, "I promise."

"Please do that, okay?" he asked and I nodded at him, "sleep tight."

"You too," I muttered as he crawled down from the edge of Niki's bed, to return to his bunk above Jay.

I silently turned back around again, and immediately felt the guilt grow inside of me, before letting out a sigh and decided on that now I had to sleep whether I liked it or not.