The Perfect Storm 2

Chapter 164

"Madison?" I hear his raspy tone calling and I quickly jolt up, only to realize that he's not here and I'm all alone in the library. 

My hand flies to the necklace to my neck only to realize that I have two. 

I look down to see a blue heart and a pearl, the two different worlds that drew me in opposite directions, but now, one of them has completely fallen apart. 

I take off the pearl necklace slowly before taking one last look at the white innocence inside and sticking it into my pocket. I take one last breath before taking off the blue heart too. I wanted Miles and just because our relationship will never blossom further, Jace isn't next in line. I can't go back to how things were. I can't get married this early and it can't be with Jace. 

I feel as though I want to scream, my head has been filling with nothing but all kinds of thoughts for the past week and I'm sick of it. I want some way, any way to take this out of me, to take the endless spinning of thoughts out of my head. 

I feel like my mind is about to explode and I can't do anything about it, only suppress it with coffee. I glance at my phone only to see that it's almost six am and I'm surprised that the library didn't close for the night but after looking around the room and seeing students with books scattered over their tables and people discussing something with their laptops staring at them. Between three coffees, a small nap, and my own mind, I feel drained, completely and utterly drained. 

I take a deep breath before gathering all of my belongings, stuffing them into my black see-through bag, and standing up. I feel slightly dizzy even though I feel like I've gotten enough sleep. My feet carry me down the stairs where I throw out my half-empty frappuccino cup. 

The dorm isn't far away and when I unlock the door I realize that Stephanie is still asleep which makes me enter extra carefully, trying to avoid any sounds, I drop my bag on my bed before slowly reaching for my toiletry bag and stepping carefully out the door, clicking the door in place. 

A long shower is all I need, it has always helped and the ceilings here have somehow grown on me and become much better to stare at when my mind is cloudy.

AFTER THE SHOWER I FEEL much better but the ache in my heart hasn't disappeared and as soon as I step foot outside of the showers, I realize that the ache in my mind hasn't either.

"Ready for Mr. Laurence's class?" Stephanie asks and I shake my head.

"No." I smile and she does too.

"Then we better hurry before he scolds us for something, god knows they don't come stricter," Stephanie explains and I nod. 

I've never seen the bad side of Mr. Laurence but now that Stephanie mentions I, I don't want to either. I grab my bag again and so does Stephanie before we rush to class. 

We sit in the very back, the last row, watching students pour into the empty class. I take out my notebooks, give Stephanie a small smile, and then listen to Mr. Laurence tell us all about just how hard this class will be but that we shouldn't worry since a lot of us were performing amazing last time which brings me back to why Stephanie seems to dislike him so much.

"So . . . about tonight, we're meeting the boys at the party." Stephanie whispers and I nod. 

I still can't believe Cody would lie to me like that but then again, I don't know him, but I do know Jace and I know he wouldn't pretend that he doesn't know his girlfriend when she walks into a room. 

My mind has been spinning all day and it's almost as if my own brain can't get enough of the trouble it's feeling, as if it wants to feel all of this, against my own will.

"Sounds good." I give her a small smile before grabbing my pencil and trying my best to jot down everything Mr. Laurence is saying about the new upcoming test. 

I take a deep breath, hoping I won't bump into Miles on my way out of the class, the last thing I want is to see him, but hopefully, he's assigned completely different classes this semester, that way, we don't even have to see each other again. 

I feel my phone buzzing and I qucikly reach it out of my pocket, hoping that this time it's not an email but Miels's name. 

I don't know why he would even want to call or text me since he made it very clear that a future between us just doesn't exist, that the ring my mother gave him didn't mean anything, and that I and him just aren't meant to be, but I still can't help but hope, and somehow, my sick mind wants to hope too. But when I pull out the phone, I realize it's not Miles, it's Jace.

Jace: "I'll be there in seven hours, perfectly in time to see you."

"Perfect," I repeat his words slowly.

"Huh?"Stephanie turns her head but I shake it off with a head shake. 

Tonight is more nerve-wracking than I thought and I find myself eager to go but at the same time, I want to get this over with. I don't know why I agreed to go with Cody, I don't like him, I don't know him. I want Miles, I like Miles and at the same time all II want is to get over him, to get him out of my life, to stop my mind from rambling about him all day and all night.

"Ugh!" I yell out loud at his name twirling around in my head. All of a sudden everyone's eyes are staring back at me, back at the reflection of myself that I hate; my mind; the mind that only talks about him. 

Stephanie looks at me too but not in a judgy way like everyone else but in a calm and collective manner as if she's somehow asking me if I'm okay through her eyes, but I'm not, I'm not okay, and I haven't been for this whole week. 

Mr. Laurence stares at me too and I feel horrible, horrible about how I feel, horrible about screaming, about everything.

"I . . . I have to go." I say, not sure to who but I say it. I grab my bag and slowly rush out of class. I'm greeted with a hall full of students and I'm somehow thankful that I blend in perfectly, nobody here is staring at me. 

I can only hope I don't bump into anyone but as I make it closer and closer to my dorm, I know that I'm safe, I feel it, I can do this, and even if it's small, for the first time, I feel like, for the first time after him, I can do something. I close the door behind me, kick off my black heels, and sit down on top of my desk. As I stare out the window I realize that I can do this. I can do it without him.