The Perfect Storm 2

Chapter 121

Leaving Ohio and seeing the same sign that greeted us to Ohio, feels odd and I can't help but focus on everything that feels weird, one of those things being Jace. 

He isn't in my life anymore and it tastes sour on my tongue. I've been resting my head on the window for the past twenty-minutes, thinking of nothing but Jace as Miles tries to sway his way past the hundred cars on the road with us. 

I look at the white wooden homes that sit right by the road as we pass a few police cars and quickly, without even letting a few minutes pass by, Miles is already on the main road that will take us back to Washington and I'm still staring outside the window except now, it's surrounded by grass—dull and icy grass. 

As I let my mind wander at all the things Jace has said I stop at one thought—one question. I gulp before looking at Miles and parting my lips.

"What do you, um . . . think about marriage?" I try to gulp down the words as soon as they leave my lips but it's too late. His muscles instantly tense up and his eyes are now focused stronger than ever on the road ahead. 

He stops for a moment and for a second it almost looks like he isn't breathing, he runs his hands through his dark hair and bites his lip.

"I don't know." He admits, his eyes closing a little as he looks at me and I know his look is genuine.

"I've never thought about it." He says and I nod.

"Would you want to . . . think about it?" My voice is now low and paying attention to his every word.

"I don't know." He says again, making these exact words horrific to hear every time they come out of his mouth.

"Besides, we're just having fun. You're barely legal and I'm barely twenty-one." He explains and my eyes go wide at his words.

"We're just having fun?" I raise a brow as I look at him as harshly as I can. My lips form a line and I can't hide my annoyance at his words.

"I didn't mean it like that." He shakes his head.

"I'm not barely legal, I'm nineteen and you are twenty-one," I say sharply and he runs his fingers through his hair again, except this time he pulls lightly at his hair at the end.

"I don't want to fucking marry you, okay? I'm fucking twenty-one." Miles says loudly before clenching his jaw. I bite my tongue to keep myself away from the tears that are seconds away.

"Not even in the future?" I say even though turning twenty was supposed to be the year I'd be planning a future with Jace and hopefully as soon as I'd turn twenty-one, we'd be getting married, but that was with Jace, this is with Miles.

"I don't want some fucking screaming kids that will end up fucking hating me, I don't want to let my parents get the pleasure of being grandparents to someone, I don't want to get punched in the ribs by some fucking wimp because I'm trying to do everything I can to get better for you and I don't want to fucking try this hard, I didn't want to wait until marriage to finally fuck you, I don't like church and I don't want to live in fucking Santa Monica. All of that shit isn't me and I can't fucking pretend to be some church-going saint. I'm a fucking asshole, that's who I am, that's who I've always been and it's who I'll always be. And assholes don't date virgin maries, they don't get beat up by guys called fucking 'Jace.'" Miles explains almost out of breath, his eyes are still on the road and he parts his lips again.

"Assholes like me, fuck girls like Rebecca, they drink until they fucking collapse and they sure as fuck kill guys like Jace." Miles exhales and I don't know what to say, my mind is wandering and my heart is racing.

"But you are dating me and you didn't hurt Jace," I explain but he stays silent.

"That's the thing, you're the only exception."

"But what about not hurting Jace?" I ask, pressing for an answer.

"The only reason I didn't hurt him was because I knew it would affect us." He states bluntly before adding, "If it hadn't been for you—for your need to change me, I would have fucking smashed his face off." I gulp at his harsh words, tiring not to picture a bloody Jace—the Jace I had to see when Miles first came to Ohio. 

All of this time I thought that Miles and I didn't have anything in common and that we were too different for each other but after seeing the change that Miles was ready to go through I thought that maybe somehow we might make it work, but after all of the things he has just admitted, I realize I was wrong this whole time. 

We aren't meant to be together, all we do is collide and we'll never make it work. We want to live two different lives and submerging them into one that we'll both be unhappy with isn't going to work either.

"Then what do you want?" I ask him, thinking back on the list of 'don'ts' he named minutes ago.

 Some pat in me is still hoping for a small sliver of hope that whatever comes out of his mouth is somehow going to fix the mess that Miles has just spilled on the both of us—glue us somehow, but the bigger part of me knows that there's nothing he could say that would ever fit the future I see for myself.

"I want to live in New York, fuck you every night without marrying you, and never have to take care of screaming toddlers." He says and I bite my lip. His life is the exact opposite of mine, it always has been, and now, his future is too. 

It's almost as if we never met, his plans didn't change, and neither did he. All he did was take something so special for me, something that was meant for Jace, and now, I casn't see a life without him even though every minute I spend with him, I'm forced to either burn myself on the fie that is Miles or freeze to death without him.

"What do you want?" He asks, his voice raspy and uncertain as if he's asking for the same reason I did—hope.

"I want Santa Monica, I want to get married, I want kids and I want to go through it all with just you," I say, my voice low and almost trembling. My fingers are fiddling as I look down at them. My fingernails are short and there's no polish on them. 

I gulp down before tugging at my necklace, only to remember that I forgot Jace's necklace under my pillow. Miles stays quiet for a few seconds and so do I. 

There are endless questions and thoughts rushing through my head none of which have a destination or an answer.

"Maybe we're just too different." He finally says and I can almost hear my heart crack just a little.

"Maybe we are," I whisper under my breath.