RANDOM UPDATES 3 ❗️

Just a general vent- you don't need to read it

I know I haven't been here in a bit, sorry about that

I've been pretty occupied

... but there are a few things I want to address. This has to do with a few situations, not just one, so whoever is reading this, don't immediately jump to conclusions based on what I'm saying.

I also kind of just need to write my feelings out. I feel like it's better to explain what I feel without accidentally saying the wrong thing in the moment.

I do ask that if there are comments, please don't try to argue with me, okay? I don't have the energy to do so.

Anyway... a couple things that have been on my mind lately.

One, I feel like I can't even express myself anymore.

This is for a few reasons. A few people don't find my feelings about a certain problem valid, as they accuse me of victimizing myself.

Before I get comments saying I'm doing that right now, no, I'm simply stating my feelings. Let me explain the difference. Victimizing yourself has a specific tone to it, first of all, and second, you make yourself look like the victim when you're not. Am I doing that? No. I'm only saying how I feel.

(If you want to be technical, everyone is a victim from something in an argument...)

And this isn't just about the one situation someone here might be thinking about. There have been many instances where I've been accused of this— by one person specifically. Technically two, but I don't talk to the other anymore.

That's not the only reason why I feel I can't express myself. Another thing is that my accounts on all of my social medias are growing rapidly. With that, you need to know what you can and can say as more of your work is recognized.

On Twitter, there was an anti-big-artist thing going around. My biggest following is on Insta, but I do have quite a bit on Twitter too, just not as much as some artists I follow.

And I've seen some tweets they sent, which were along the lines of: "So big artists are apparently supposed to not feel feelings? We're apparently not allowed to express ourselves because we 'have a big following' and can't use our followers against situations. But now we're told we're emotionless machines and should change that? So what do you want? Us to be emotionless, or emotional?"

Artists on social media— honestly, every big account on social media— is treated this way. Unfortunately artists have the rough end of the stick because we're expected to produce work constantly like machines, and the algorithms of these medias don't help, either. Streamers and content creators are doing much better because their content is more favorable by the algorithms.

And as my accounts are growing, I'm scared to talk about my opinions and experiences. If I can't talk about them to my family and friends or my followers, who can I talk to? Someone that won't disregard my feelings towards something just because I'm "victimizing myself" or that I'm "a big artist" and I "shouldn't be expressing myself with such a large following"

.... it hurts not being able to talk about my emotions

And it's also the guilt of talking about my problems to people who weren't involved with one of my issues

I don't like bringing my friends who had nothing to do with a situation into a problem I have/had

But at the same time, outside opinions are neutral and probably the best. One of my friends is actually a goddess at this. She listens to my problem, and then she tells me her take in the most neutral way. She knows that just because we're close friends, it doesn't mean she immediately has to defend me, because what if what I'm doing is wrong, y'know? It's good to have friends who know how to do this, to not have an immediate bias.