RANDOM UPDATES 3 ❗️

WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS HELP-

Back at it again with an update ekdkskdn

Okay

I legit have no idea what's going on

Soooooo

To summarize/generalize what I'm gonna be talking about, the way my crushes work is weird

I literally don't understand how people feel strong feelings for another person, how they feel sexual tensions with someone, and how they only feel that for one person

I have small crushes on multiple people. It's normal for me at this point. They've always been small, and at this point, I'm not even sure if they were platonic or romantic feelings

But... eeHHEEHHH

I think.. I think I'm having a malfunction today chsbebnr

You see... as of right yesterday, I thought I had only two mini crushes. One of them is on a kid in my German class, and another was a kid I mentioned so long ago that was a part of the bio squad. If you guys remember, I'm referencing the dude I code named "Evan." (I can't believe I remember that 😂)

So yeah. It was literally just these two.

And then I thought I didn't have a crush on some kid in my Polish school UNTIL YESTERDAY.

Yesterday was Studniówka, aka Polish School prom with all the other Polish schools in our area. (It was super fun but exhausting, by the way 😂 I still have leftover loops in my hair from that bun and still have my nails painted bc I just came home and went right the fuck to sleep fnsnjsjr)

Sooo... you can say that spending time with my Polish school class at a dance was very fun, but also made me feel super strongly towards them. I realized how much I'm going to miss these guys— I've been with some of them since first grade, and I don't wanna lose them ig

... especially the guy who is now apparently my new crush that's on the list -_-

I'm so annoyed by this. I don't wanna have feelings for him, but apparently my heart decided "Nope! Two isn't enough. You're getting a third crush."

LIKE WHY—

The reason why I don't wanna have feelings for him is because I know it's impossible. Like we were friends for a while, but then there was a split with our families and we didn't ever really hang out again. It's kind of sad, bc I liked being friends with him.

And why would him liking me back be impossible? He clearly prefers other girls in my class over me in the first place (when it comes to partner dances or walking in pairs and shit), even if we do still talk and joke around. Two, I'm pretty sure he'd like like someone else. Maybe he already does.

Point is, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm stupid or just doesn't wanna be around me or something, I dunno.

I just don't understand why— I hate this feeling so much. I hate having "crushes" on people I know won't like me back.

The same thing goes to the Evan guy. It will NEVER happen— he's popular, and if he's still with his girlfriend from freshman year, he's taken. I'm happy for him though. I think my feelings towards him are more platonic than romantic, though. I just wanna be friends 😫

And finally, the kid in my German class. Let's call him Jack for simplicity. He and I get a long. We sit next to each other, so we talk quite a bit. I feel like I have the biggest chance with him, but I have no idea if I have platonic or romantic feelings towards him. I can't tell!!

This is just an issue for me in general. When my ex asked me out, I had no idea if my feelings for him were platonic or romantic, but I thought they were romantic. Turns out they weren't— he had romantic feelings for me, but I just didn't feel that same way.

I don't wanna make that mistake again, but HOWWWW

And I can tell that my feelings towards Jack and my Polish school friend (let's call him Max, even though I'm sure I've said his name sometime before, so you might know who I'm talking about) are slightly different.

I have an aching feeling towards Max, but I'm not sure if that's because my crush on him is somewhat stronger, or if it's because of the fact that I'll miss him a lot after the Polish school class parts ways. I really don't want us to part ways, I want to remain friends, but none of us are "besties" or anything, so it'd be awkward if I suddenly asked to stay in contact or tried to keep conversations going that aren't school related.

As for Jack, I definitely do think he's cute and I want to get closer with him, but is it platonic or romantic?? Bc with Max, I know I'm past the platonic point since we have been close friends before and we talk a lot in school. So what's with Jack?? I have no idea anymore and jfkdkdnwnnr I WANNA SCREEEEAM 😭😭

CAN I LIKE HUG ALL OF THEM PLEASE

I WANNA HUG EVAN I WANNA HUG JACK I WANNA HUG MAX  P L E A S E

Please whatever god is in charge of this world let me be closer friends with them AT LEAST ;-;

Like can some circumstances fall in place for this to happen??? Please?? XDD

Anyway.. I'm rambling 😂 I just don't know what to do anymore

Oh

You also know what the best part is?

All three of these guys have certain traits and I think I have a "type" 😂😅

I think my type is blonde hair (either pure blonde or dirty blonde) and blue (or just light colored) eyes ;^;

Freckles are also a bonus 👀 (which uhh... Jack has—)

But yeah.. I've never felt such strong feelings for a crush before in Max's case. It could be because I'm gonna miss having him in class and all, but at this point, I really don't know.

I have no idea what these feelings are, and I think I'm gonna be absolutely drained for a little while because of this.

Anyway, that's what's happening right now, and I have no idea what's gonna happen with that. Hopefully my whole crush situation won't be as bad soon. I hate this a lot.

Other updates while I'm here:

I have AP exams this week. I'm not gonna be very active because of that.

I literally have so many art projects in mind that I have no idea when I'll get to publishing the 06 rewrite. I'm debating whether or not to just publish it without the missing works, but I need to see how this goes.

Also, I don't wanna rush my other good helper :'))

That's all I got

Sorry for the whole burst of feelings, I just needed to elaborate on them for myself somewhere 😂

See ya guys 👋🏻