MY UNEXPECTED WIFE (BossSeries#3)

CHAPTER 45

THE FEAR I'm feeling right now is overwhelming. The consequence of the decision I made that day is ready to prosecute me today. I can't think any reason to say. I'm aware of my fault and I deserve the blame.

"You're so selfish, Cassy! And I am so disappointed! I thought you're different but damn, you're far meaner than I imagined.

For sure you already know what I really want, right? Like you... I don't want the company too! I want to become someone else! I also have a dream, but I was not given a chance to do it! I struggled with the burden of our own company and because of your selfishness, you married me in order to passed the responsibility that supposed to be yours."

I wanted to admit my mistake. But I also wanted to reason out. But I couldn't speak. Pag-iyak lang ang nagawa ko. My mouth was zipped with a lock and it was so hard to open it.

My parents thought that I agreed with the marriage in order to passed my obligation. I didn't tell them that it was not my only intention. They didn't know that I liked Casper for years and loved him so much that I used my desperation to solved my problem by being with him. I really love him, to the point that I made stupid decisions. Pero kung hindi siya pumayag noon, handa rin naman sana akong tanggapin iyon. I even expected that he would decline the arranged marriage at first, I just tried my luck. Kaya nga nagulat rin ako nang sumipot siya sa araw ng kasal namin. Even though it was obvious that it was against his will.

"Why are you doing this to me?" his voice softens. "May nagawa ba akong mali sa 'yo? Anong kasalanan ko? Why are you torturing me like this?"

Damn. It hurts. It's so painful that I feel like I'm burning into the fire. Gusto kong kalmahin ang sarili ko para masagot ko siya pero hindi ko magawa. Patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak na para bang katapusan na ng buhay ko. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko na muntik na akong matumba. Mabuti nalang at naibalanse ko ang sarili ko, kasabay ng biglaang pagsakit ng puson ko.

My hands reached my belly and carefully caressed it. I tried to breathe slowly but deeply to ease the pain I felt. I need to control myself right now.

"I-I'm sorry," I finally able to mutter. "Sorry for giving you pain, Casper. I'm sorry for everything. P-Patawad na pinilit kong pumasok sa buhay mo. Hate me all you can. Don't forgive me if you want. B-But... I'm sorry for saying this... I didn't regret coming into your life."

I automatically decided to turn my back at him. Dali-dali kong binuksan ang pinto at lumabas ng bahay. My hands are shaking while trying to contact Greg's number.

"Hello?" I heard him yawn at the background.

"G-Greg," I sobbed. "Can you pick me up, please?"

"Sh— Where are you? At your house? Wait for me! I'll be there as soon as possible," he immediately ended the call.

I smiled bitterly. Agad pumayag ang lalaking iyon sa utos ko at hindi man lang tinanong kung anong problema ko. All this time, alam kong maaasahan ko siya sa kahit ano. He's always be there for me no matter what happens. Greg is one of the best gift God gave to me. I'm willing to trade more friends just to have this one person.

"Cassy!"

Mabilis na bumaba si Greg sa sasakyan niya at agad akong nilapitan. Sinalubong ko siya ng yakap and he did the same. I cried on his chest while we're standing beside the road.

"Tahan na," he lightly patted my back. "Malamig na dito, let's get inside the car." Inilalayan niya ako papasok sa kotse bago siya sumakay sa driver's seat. "You can tell me everything pagkadating natin sa condo ko."

NAKAPATONG ang mga paa ko sa couch habang yakap-yakap ko naman ang mga binti ko. Kumuha ng tubig si Greg sa kusina at pinainom iyon sa akin bago siya umupo sa tabi ko. Nakatingin ako sa kawalan habang paulit-ulit kong naririnig sa isip ang lahat ng sinabi ni Casper.

"Anong nangyari?" Greg started.

"H-He already found out that I was behind the marriage," I coldly said. Hindi na ako umiiyak. Ubos na yata ang luha sa mga mata ko. I'm feeling numb right now.

"At anong ginawa niya?" may galit sa boses ng kaibigan ko. Nasa akin pa rin ang loyalty niya kahit alam niyang ako ang may kasalanan.

"Of course, he got mad. I expected it but still..." I blinked. "Ang sakit pa rin makita siyang galit, marinig ang lahat ng hinanakit niya. I was hurting more seeing him in pain. And I have no one to blame but myself.

But what hurts more was the truth... I didn't know that I'm ruining his life and I'm stopping him from having his dream. Tama siya... ang selfish ko. I was so selfish of minding my own problems without considering his part.

Mali ba talaga? Mali bang minahal ko siya? Mali bang pinili ko siya? Mali nga yata lahat ng desisyon ko. I'm the definition of fault and the owner of mistake."

"Huwag mong sabihin 'yan." Hinarap ako ni Greg sa kanya at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko. He looks sincerely concerned. His touch is giving me calmness and care that melted my iced heart. Hindi ko na napigilan, I'm starting to get teary again.

"Yes, may kasalanan ka. But don't take all the blame. Everyone makes mistakes but you have the chance to repent. Hindi na natin maibabalik pa ang oras but you have the choice to make it up. May mga nasisira na pwede pang maayos, Cassy. Pwede ka pang bumawi, maraming paraan.

Accepting you're in fault ay malaking bagay na. Not all the time, letting go and forgetting are the solution. What you need to do first is to give yourself a time to think, give yourself a break. Pag-isipan mo ng mabuti ang lahat. Huwag mong madaliin ang sarili mo. Huwag kang magdesisyon agad base sa emosyon na nararamdaman mo ngayon."

He is right. Most decisions made without proper thinking, ended up with wrong results. Kapag overwhelmed pa sa emosyong nararamdaman, hindi dapat magpadalos-dalos ng desisyon. Nakakasawa ng sabihin na nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

"Nandito lang ako, Cassy. Handa akong samahan ka. Handa akong gabayan ka para sa ikaliligaya mo. Alam kong kaya mo 'yan. Ikaw pa?"

I hugged him tightly. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin kung wala si Greg. I'll surely be lost. Siguradong malulunod ako dahil wala akong makakapitan.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" suhestiyon niya.

"No! H-Huwag."

"Okay. Mas mabuti na rin sigurong bigyan mo rin siya ng panahong mag-isip. But how about your parents, will you tell them?"

"I don't know... Ayokong gumawa ng kahit anong hakbang. Siguro... hahayaan ko muna si Casper na gawin ang gusto niya. I'll let him decide," I exhaled. "T-Tatanggapin ko kung anong magiging desisyon niya."

"That's good. Magpahinga muna kayong dalawa."

"But Greg..."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant. Paano kung gusto niyang makipaghiwalay sa akin?"