Wdw sickfics

J.M- depression...

*this story is going to take place when all the boys were younger. They aren't in the band but they are friends together in the same school. I didn't have any requests for Jonah so i thought i would do something new :))*

*also trigger warning!!! There will be harsh words and mentions of suicide, graphic imagery of self harm and rape. Please don't read for your own safety if this story will trigger you in any way!!!*

Oh ya. This is going to be a pretty long chapter. Like really really long...

Jonahs pov

It has always been this way, well for high school at least.

I would go in and try my best to put on the happy face for my friends. But when i walk alone in the hallway, i get torn down by my bullies.

Will and Andrew.

Ever since i got into high school, i have usually been the outcast. I didnt have friends; well in my grade. My friends were a year or two younger than me. Corbyn, daniel, jack, and Zach. Corbyn and daniel were in a grade below me and jack and Zach were two grades below. I never saw a problem with it until i hit my sophomore year.

People started to pick on me that i hung out with so called 'eighth graders'. When i knew they were talking about jack and Zach. We have known each other since we were kids though so I can't just leave them behind. They both look up to me.

Daniel and corbyn have always told me to ignore them about the other two, so i did my best. But it was already hard getting through my grade without any of them in my class so i just felt alone all the time. Which made me just constantly sad.

Well besides for lunch time. I got to see the four other boys.

But the bullying slowly got worse over time. They would call me faggot, gay bitch, slut, and much much more. All because someone sent out videos of me making out with this guy in the locker room.

Then it got to me trying to think positive past the everyone's words. I got the courage to post a shirtless mirro pic on my instagram. The comments called me fat, chubby, disgusting, attention seeker. The words were never ending.

I wanted to know why everyone hated me. Sure i didnt have friends my own age, i was gay, and i didnt have the best body (according to others) but I'm not a normal person. I'm different. Shouldn't being different be good?

This leads into where i am now.

Hi, I'm Jonah Marias.
I'm 18 and I'm a senior in high school.

I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder)

I let their words get to me when I could've been strong enough to fight back.
I believe their words when i could've pushed them away.
I almost let their words take my life...

~~~

It's been a year. I survived another year.

A year past my last suicide attempt. It went by way too slow but way too fast.

I cut too deep and too much. I passed out from blood loss and woke back up in the hospitals ICU.
I overdosed on a whole bottle of ibuprofen.
I lost my pulse and had to be resuscitated twice.
I had three blood transfusions.
I had to get my stomach pumped and was given activated charcoal.
I stayed in the psychiatric unit for two and a half weeks on suicide watch.
I was let out after 3 weeks and had been monitored for months.

There were constant doctors appointments, therapy sessions, long nights full of tears, but it was recovery right?

I went back to school after a month and had everyone looking at me. I told no one.