Can you Feel my heart?

Sleepwalking {oliver}

I walked home, the bristling air coddling me. Austin's clouded face swarmed in my mind. That man, his father, struck a chord in him, a sour screeching note. He surprised me yet again. He was easy to talk to, falling into conversation. He smiled and laughed. He acted like a functioning human being. But all that froze when he was called out, hackles raised, teeth bared when his father poked at him. It was a terse subject. Being gay. I never would've struck him as that way, but then again people were never as they seemed. I stalked through the alleyway behind the school, kicking at an abandoned beer bottle. The air was thick and the sky grey. The dense green was almost suffocating. In a way it was like England. Just more alive, more cheery, and a lot more not like home. Dogs watched me placidly though fences, cars zoomed on the street. It was all situational noise to me. I found my mind occupied by Austin. More so every day. He was always there, always in my way but I didn't want him to move. I wanted him there, blocking my path, directing my thoughts and actions to mirror him. It was, as it should be, simple. An illicit finger of doubt strummed my mind. What if he does not like you. This is a game to him. I shook away the feelings, knowing that he may be big and he may seem ominous, but his heart was as equally big and light. I stopped.

"My god"

 I said to myself.

"I am fucking crazy"

I stood in this alley dumbfounded. I am insane. I'm thinking the way a girl would, as she's falling in love.