Can you Feel my heart?

Ben Threw {Austin}

I sat there tapping my pencil against my notebook. I studied him. His neck was craned down, reading Poe. His leg was tapping, nervous. He was on edge today. He looked up to meet my eyes. He darted away from my gaze. Across the room I could see Kellin, looking smugly at us. He was up to something. I pushed back my chair and strode up to the teacher at her desk. 

"Mind if I use the john?" 

She nodded and I walked out, passing Oli's desk. I laid a folded slip of paper there. I pulled my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and flipped one between my fingers. I headed out the back doors and darted around to the smokers hole. It was empty. I lit it and took a few solitary drags. I looked down at my phone. Sure enough as five minuets passed, he was there poking his head around the wall. I smiled at him. 

"What's up with you?" 

He looked at me, shoulders sagged. 

"Nothing." 

I rolled my eyes at him. 

"Did anyone ever tell you that you suck at lying?" 

He shrugged his shoulders. 

"Was it them?" 

He shook his head. 

"No really. Nothing's wrong." 

"Hm." 

He put his hands in his pockets. 

"Don't look now but Matty is behind you." 

His eyes widened and he jumped. He relaxed when no one was there. I narrowed my eyes at him. 

"Did they say something to you? Be honest." 

He shook his head again. 

"Oliver I can't help you if you won't talk to me." 

He looked at me. 

"Is it about me going to California soon?" 

he shook his head. I stubbed my cigarette out on the bricks. I reached out and put a hand on his arm. He moved away from me. I frowned. I moved closer to him. He backed away from me until his back hit the wall. I placed my hands on either side of him trapping him there. I looked into his sad eyes. 

"Tell me please?" 

He looked at my chest, refusing to look at me. 

"Why are you shutting me out?" 

I whispered. He just shook his head. 

"I'm not. Just nothing is wrong." 

I sighed. 

"There is and you're lying. Oliver I'm not about to go a state away knowing that you're bothered. I just won't do it." 

He pressed his palm to his eyes. 

"Please don't cry either." 

He took a breath, his eyes watery red. 

"Will you tell me?" 

"I can't tell you. I just cant." 

My heart sank. 

"Do you not trust me?"

"It's not that." 

There were footsteps. I pushed away from him. Jordan came around the corner and froze, arctic eyes wide. 

"Am I interrupting something?" 

My insides boiled with rage. 

"No, but you were just leaving." 

He held his hands up in defense and retreated back to the building. I looked back at him. 

"If it's about them you have to tell me." 

I begged. He gave me a weak smile and assured me that it was nothing once again. He pushed away from the wall and went back to class. I stood there roiling with anger. I laid my head against the cool bricks and sighed. I felt the fumes in my face and I curled my fist into a ball. I hit the wall hard once, twice, three times. My hand was buzzing. Blood dripped down between my fingers. My vision was invaded by flickering spots, anger flashing in and out of my mind. I made myself go into the building. I turned down the halls, winding up tighter. I wanted someone to get in my way, give me a stream to let this anger through. I felt a hand on my arm and I whipped around, nose flaring. She jumped back, eyes wide. 

"Whoa, Austin are you ok?" 

My hands tightened. 

"You." 

She looked at me confused. 

"You fucking did this to him." 

Elise backed away from me. Her eyes were wide and stricken with fright. Her back hit the lockers and she bristled at my nearness. 

"I don't know what you're talking about Austin." 

I slammed my hand on the locker.

"Yes you fucking do. You invited him to that party. You set him up." 

She quivered, turning her face away from mine.

"Don't just sit there and act dumb."

She was sobbing now. 

"Yes, yes I took him. Only because Alan told me to." 

I got close to her face, my rage seeping out of my skin in waves.

"You think that because he asks you to fuck up someones life you should do it?"

He shook. 

"Fucking answer me." 

I grabbed her arm. 

"Don't make me look like a fucking fool Elise." 

"No"

She whimpered. 

"If you ever, I mean ever, go near him again, I will be your worst god damned nightmare. Do I make myself clear?" 

She nodded quickly. I dropped her arm and she hurried away. I leaned against the lockers, letting out a frustrated cry. My head was spinning from him. He had to come and complicate my life. Twist me up and then turn me loose, watch me spin out of control. I was out of control. I put my hands on my head and took a few shaky breaths. I was very out of control. I had threatened a woman, for something that wasn't entirely her fault. I made my way back to class. No one looked at me as I entered the room. I sat down in the desk and stared absently at my books. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't feel like meeting them. When the bell rang, I let everyone leave, the class emptying around me. I slowly collected myself and walked out the door. I wasn't feeling lunch, I wasn't feeling anything. I walked down the hall to the gym. I was about to break through the door when I was stopped. 

"Where do you think you're going?" 

It was Mr.Collins the gym teacher. He stood there with a stern look about him. I turned on my heel and looked at him. 

"Home." 

He looked at me.

"Well I'm sorry but it's not 3 o'clock. So you need to be going back to the cafeteria." 

I tried to conceal my 'piss off' look. 

"I don't give a fuck what time it is, i'm going home." 

Shock painted his face.

"I could give you a referral for speaking to me that way."

"Good" 

I gave him a forced smile, one that told him to go to hell. I pushed open the door with a loud bang and let it shut behind me.