Can you Feel my heart?

Game of war {Austin}

I looked at them from across the cafeteria. There was a wide girth, rapport fleeing. They were plagued now, yet no one knew the source of their ill being. Matty's face was a permanent plume of red, his eyes failing to meet anyone. Alan steeled his gaze, slicing through everyone. Kellin sat on the outside, resentment hallowing them. I had made sure to keep a fine distance away from them. I wanted to say something, but couldn't find the approach. My stomach was rolling from other thoughts, my brain a knotted mess. I pushed my tray away from me. I laid my head on my arms and sighed. Oliver was controlling my senses, gravitating me. Kissing him felt so good, so right. Yet so wrong. I couldn't help but feel like I was taking advantage of his emotional crack. I had distanced myself, took myself away from the temptation. I knew he was growing impatient in my endeavors. He nudged my knee under the table. I peeked over my elbow at him.

"You're being quiet."

I laid my head back down. I could feel his frown burrow into my skin. When the bell rang I was the last to get up. He was waiting for me. I sighed. I brushed past him, whisking out the doors. He followed me, snapping at my heels. I pulled a cigarette from my jacket and lit it, taking a shaky drag. It was snowing out, soft white flakes landing in my hair. I could hear him crunching up beside me, his lighter flick.

"You don't have to follow me everywhere."

Drag.

"I do when you're acting like this."

Warm doe eyes narrowing at me.

"Like what?"

I met his gaze.

"Avoiding me? Like you have been for the past two weeks?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I've been busy."

He dropped his cigarette on the ground. He crossed his arms, body slightly shivering.

"With what?"

I looked at him.

"Things."

He sighed.

"You've barely spoken to me, let alone seen me. Seriously if it's something I did let me know."

I sighed.

"It isn't that."

"Then what is it?"

He stepped forward.

"Austin please."

He put a hand on my waist. I moved back.

"Don't."

He dropped his hands to his side in defeat.

"Why won't you tell me? You're supposed to let me in and trust me?"

I blew out a puff of smoke, exasperated.

"Like what? What do you want me to say?"

"Why won't you see me. Or touch me"

He whispered.

"I want to. But you're not ready for this."

He glared at me.

"Yes I am."

I glared back, my look overpowering his.

"No. You aren't."

"Who are you to tell me what I do and don't feel?"

"Since I am the one who's had to deal with straight guys who can't make up their mind."

His face drew back with hurt.

"So you think that I won't care for you?"

"No. I just don't want to make a move that you can't play."

"I'm sure whatever you can throw at me I can handle."

I grit my teeth.

"You have no idea what I am capable of."

My words seemed to chill him.

"I see how much you think of me."

I crossed my arms.

"I think of you highly. That's the problem. I can't ruin you. Tarnish your perfect shine. I just can't do it."

His eyes dropped.

"So you can't, be with me."

Hurt swallowed him.

"I do not love kindly. I'm jealous and protective and I have thin trusts in people."

I looked at him.

"I want to be able to cherish you forever. And I can't do that if I love you."

"I feel like you're trying to break up with me?"

"What you feel is right."

He drew a shaky breath.

"You know, somehow this hurts more, than breaking an actual relationship."

He looked at me.

"It just cuts deeper."