Can you Feel my heart?

Written in blood {Oliver}

I could accept that he didn't return my calls.
I could accept that he didn't turn up at school.
I could accept that he didn't want me.

What I couldn't accept was the fact that he was gone.

I had gone to his house a week ago, just to reassure myself that he was hanging on. Getting by. But all I found was an empty room. No one knew where he went. Well I shouldn't say no one. But I was never going to be told such a viable secret. What wasn't a secret was the fact that I was a wreck. No doubt my fault at best. I couldn't wrap my head about our situation. It was a day that replayed viciously in my head.

Make me your hallelujah.

I shuddered, disgust trembling about my skin. It had been 3 weeks since I had seen josh. He acknowledged my termination with a bleak, generic reference letter. I had taken my beautiful budding life and snapped it at the stem, bleeding it's life slowly. I pulled my car into a parking stall and got out, the cold grey rain pounding against my black rain coat. I hurried into the squat cement building, it's drowsiness heavy. There was a middle aged black woman sitting behind a cheap pressed wood desk. She glanced up at me, brown eyes surveying me.

"Checking in sweetie?"

She asked, tapping on her keyboard.

"Yeah. Sykes to see Dr. Montgomery."

"She'll be right with you."

I smiled at the receptionist and sat in the dingy waiting room. I stared at the dusty ceiling fan, slowly turning, spreading the dense drab air about this acrid room. There was one other patient waiting, a young man persistently itching his skin. Cracked out and peaked.

"Oliver!"

A tiny voice squeaked out. I looked up to see a mousy girl standing there holding a clipboard tightly to her chest. I stood, following her down a winding hallway. She opened the dark maroon door for me and I stepped in, her scurrying behind me. This office was an immaculate difference to the rest of the building. There was a large arching window, framed by navy curtains. A velvet blue couch positioned in front of it. And the plants, crammed onto every shelf and windowsill. It was, surreal. Calming. I sat on the velvet couch and Dr. Montgomery sat in a tufted white chair adjacent to me.

"Oliver. Nice of you to come and see me today."

"If you call this day nice."

She gave me a smile.

"Well I'm Dr. Montgomery. You may call me Aria of you so wish."

I nodded. Aria scribbled on her clip board and peered at me over it.

"To start off, I would like to know what brought you here today."

I leaned my head against the back of the couch and sighed.

"Because I fucked up my life and I can't see the end of it."

She jotted a note.

"What do you mean you fucked up?"

"I cheated. On the one person that I'll ever truly love."

Again another note.

"True love?"

I nodded. She laid her clipboard over her lap.

"Oliver you're, what, 18?"

"Yes I am."

"Relationships come and go when you're that age. Nothing is permanent. It isn't supposed to be. I remember my first true breakup. I thought that I wouldn't love anyone as much as I loved him. I thought that I would never stop hurting and I didn't know how I could go on. But I did stop hurting. And it allowed me to find my husband. What I'm saying is that you must fixate this pain into hope."