Guardian Angel \\ l.h.\\ Luke Hemmings

Chapter Thirty Three: Unexpected

With every tick of the clock my head began to drop. My eyes were heavy as weights, the bags under were probably darker then the night sky.

I was a complete mess. An absolute, sham of a mess.

My usual jeans and sweaters were replaced by baggy sweats and an oversized shirt; my hair was knotted in ways unimaginable.

To say I was tired would be an understatement, in fact I haven't slept properly since Luke dissipated into thin air.

"Cayden, are you okay?" I glanced over to see my overly concern boyfriend look at me with worry.

I would do the same if I saw him in the state that I am in.

"I'm okay." I easily lied, a habit I learned to perfect.

"Good. Don't forget tomorrow is the dance. I am really excited." He flashed his winning smiled at me but for some reason it didn't have the same affect on me as it used to. I felt small spits of happiness here and there with him but it wasn't like before.

"I'm looking forward to it." I smiled back at him. Really I wasn't but I couldn't tell him that. Rylan had begged me for weeks to join him and he ever went so far as to send two dozen red roses to me.

"Me too, are you sure you don't want to come to Sean's after party? I heard it will be the best one yet." I shook my head in response. I wasn't in the mood to party at all. I just wanted to go straight back home after the dance to weep in my pillows until I fell to slumber.

Lately, my sleep is the only remedy to my immense pain. It feels as though I been shot into the cycle of depression all over again. Yet, this time it wasn't my bullies, they stopped after they found out about Rylan, but my worst enemy, my own self.

Ever since I confronted Lea, I can't shake the evil voice from my head. It lurks in the back of my mind, waiting to pounce on my most vulnerable moments. And I'm not strong enough to fight it off.

We walked toward the gym were Rylan had basketball and quickly departed ways after. I met Calum by his car in the parking lot.

"Hey, you look...totally different?" He scratched his head at my unusual appearance. I rolled my eyes getting into the passenger seat of his car while he slide on to the driver's side.

"I couldn't sleep again." I murmured, buckling myself in. We were headed toward the mall to get his suit for tomorrow's event.

"Really? This is like the second week in a row? Is it the same dream again?" Calum was referring to the nightmare I had always seemed to have now.

"Yeah. I tried everything from sleeping pills to even watching comedic videos before I go to bed but nothing is working in my favor." I leaned my head against his car window, feeling the coolness against my warm cheek.

"Maybe you should see a therapist?" I snorted at his suggestion. Therapy was the last resort that I refused to even think about. Far as I'm concerned Luke was my taste of therapy and now that he is gone I didn't want to go back.

Maybe the darkness was my friend. Maybe it was the comfort I needed. Maybe I was never meant to be happy. I didn't deserve happiness after what Lea told me. It has come so far to say that I was the fault of my father wanting to die. Although there was no cure to his tumor, he told doctors right away he wanted to end his life. He didn't want any more pills or IVs, he just wanted to end it.

It destroyed me to know this piece of information, to know my father didn't want to live a life. He had always been so positive about anything but hearing him want to just die so suddenly made my heart crack.