Guardian Angel \\ l.h.\\ Luke Hemmings

Chapter Forty Two: Shattered

Those six words, those six words right there had the power to shatter my world.

I love Luke, there was no past tense and there couldn't be.

I gulped, this had to be some cruel, sick joke he was playing. We were meant to be, he said so himself.

I chocked out the shock I was in, "Wh-what?"

Luke let go of me to look me in the eyes, "I'm not the one for you sweetheart."

"What do you mean?" I could feel the present pounding my heart.

Was Luke leaving me now?

He shook his head at my thoughts, "I'm not leaving you sweetheart, you aren't healed yet. But there will come a day when you are and then I will have to go."

"Bu-but why? Do you have to?" I couldn't even grasp what was occurring. The thought of Luke leaving seemed so far but as I realized that each day I was healing, was a day closer to when he would leave.

He nodded his head for confirmation.

My world shattered.

"Bu-but I thou-thought you could be huma- human again." I whispered on the verge of tears.

"I can." His fingers rubbed against my cheek, "But I know there is someone out there for you and I can't take that true happiness away from sweetheart, I can't."

"But what if you are my happiness?" I suddenly burst, "What if I'm happy with you and only you?"

His other arms around my waist held me tighter, "I wish it was like that, I wish the cards were in our favor but they are not, I'm only temporary."

And with that I cried.

I couldn't have Luke leave me, he was my safe haven. The only one I could go do when the darkness was beginning to creep on me. He was the only one I could find comfort in, but now my safety was gone. He was ripping the IV and I only had minutes to breathe.

Yet, something in my mind, the demon that still laid within, was telling me that Luke was lying. That he didn't want me.

Insecurity flooded through me. Was I not pretty enough? Or skinny? Did I not have thin enough arms or lean enough legs? Was my personality boring and hideous? Was I not intelligent enough?

Possibly all my fears immediately punched at me all at once.

"Yo-you don't wan-want to be with me." I accused, "I'm not good enough."

Luke's grasp seemed to be tighter then before as I tried to wiggle out.

"Yo-you just want to leave me. Am I a nuisance?" I asked out loud, terrified absolutely terrified to hear his answer.

"No baby." His hot breathe reassured in my ear, "Never."

"Then why won't you turn human for me? We could truly be together, no worries, no distractions just us." My desperate side was showing but I didn't care, he needed to stay, I needed him to stay.

"Because sweetheart, as much as it kills me to know I won't be the one for you, I can't take away your true love, I can't. I rather see you smile that smile I can't help but adore, for the rest of your life because of someone else then take that away from you." He tried to explain.

"But what if I smile because of you? Have you realized that these past few months I been so much happier, I'm even alive because of you." I argued, "Have you realized that I smile because of you Luke? This smile isn't because of something or someone else, it isn't because my family is coming together, I finally have friends, no it's because I get to be with you. Do you not understand you are my happiness?"

"Cayden, you know you're my happiness sweethea-"

"But am I really? Because right now you make it seem like you want to le-leave me." My voice cracked at the end.

"Sweetheart, let me speak I'm not done." He kissed the top of my head and I remained quiet as my response.

"Cayden, you know you are my happiness. I wouldn't have chosen to be your guardian angel if I didn't want to be with you every second, every minute. When I saw how upset you were my heart hurt so bad. Every time you cried, every little negative comment you made to yourself, all I wanted was to make it go away. All I wanted was to see that beautiful smile of yours, the kind where your eyes light up and all your teeth are showing. Because I know that if you are happy, I'm happy. Even if I'm not the reason, sweetheart all I want to do is see you happy if I'm not the reason." While Luke was speaking, I notice as it seemed as if he was not only trying to reason with me, but himself.

Luke was hurt as much as I was about this.

"This is so unfair." I mumbled, realizing that Luke was just as stubborn as I was, he wasn't going to give in no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much it killed both us.

"I know. I know." He quietly agreed, playing with the ends of my hair in one hand.

I grabbed the other and just thought.

I thought about the first time we meet and how I couldn't believe he was there and how maybe I didn't even want him. And then I thought back to how now, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Luke was such a selfless person and right now I hated that part of him. He was going to be fine and I don't know to even comprehend that. I didn't want to imagine that.

I always thought that he would turn human for us. That when he does, we could finally be together without any worry, any doubt. But now that dream was ruined and turned into a nightmare.

I was going to lose Luke and who knows how long I would have with him left.

"It's only when your truly happy that I have to leave." Luke answered.

"Then is it selfish to say I don't want to be truly happy because I want you to stay?" I asked him.

"No, but as much as I want to stay, I have to Cayden." I didn't much after, just dreading the moment when it would come.

If he leaves would I go back to my state of depression? Would he ever come back if I did relapse?

"Hey Cayden it's 12:00." Luke nudged me.

I sat up, his arms still around me, to see the clock on my nightstand.

True to his word it was 12:00.

Meaning it was March 17th.

"Happy birthday sweetheart." He whispered.