Guardian Angel \\ l.h.\\ Luke Hemmings

Chapter Seven: Ditching Reality (Part 2)

"You're not fine. No matter how many times you say it, the lie doesn't magically convert into the truth."

I knew he was right, I did, but my stubborn ego wouldn't admit to defeat.

"Not unless you keep telling yourself the lie. What defines the truth? The lie can be repeated only so many times that soon enough, it alters into the truth." I ret, I constantly witnessed this belief throughout my life of truth and lies that in the end I realized they were all the same.

"Everyone else might not know the truth, but you do. You know the difference between what's right and wrong."

"But do I actually? Because everything nowadays seems as though it's a lie. My whole life is a big lie." The stress of it all resulting in me reaching for my bag for my solace. It was barely an hour ago, I had lighted the cigarette yet the pack was no where to be found. There was only one person who could explain their sudden disappearance.

"Luke, give me back my cigarettes."
"I don't know what you are talking about." But his facial expressions convicted him of treason.

"Luke, seriously give them to me. I need them, I need them to relax." I plea, trying to grab at them but he pulls his arm back.

He shakes his head, "No you don't, you don't need them at all. You are way stronger than a piece of tobacco. Trust me when I say you don't need them."

"Yes I do!" I suddenly bursted but he doesn't budge which catalyzes the anger I have toward the world, "How can I even trust you, when I don't even trust myself?! I don't need you, I don't need anyone! I'm fine. Just fine. Now can you get that through your thick headed mind and just give me back my cigarettes!"

A look of hurt flashes through his eyes but like the second it came, it disappeared and was replaced my determination. "You know you sound like a five year old who wants a toy they will forget about the next day."

"I absolutely, completely, utterly hate you." I spat, "Why can't you just leave me alone? All I want is isolation is that so hard to ask for? Can you please just go back to where you came from?"

"I told you once and I will tell you another time." He huffs with fire behind his voice, " I can't leave not even if I wanted to."

"Why not?" I put my hands on my hips, my body shaking due to the lack of nicotine, "I'll do anything to make you cease. Anything."

"Do you truly want to know?" He asked increasing my desire for his desertion.

"Yes." My knees shake in pure desperation. I'm powerless right now and I abhor that feeling with all my heart.

"Fine." He looks me straight into my eyes, "For me to leave you forever, you will have to be genuinely happy. Not the sappy or fake happy. You will actually have to finally accept and love yourself."

I can't do that.

"Well then looks like I'm stuck with you for eternity." I sighed, "I could really use a cigarette right now."

"You could but you don't need them." He stated again, increasing my need to strangle him without regret.

Instead I huff, sliding down the brick wall, trying with all my will power, to not run a muck and cause chaos, I have had enough of to last a life time.

Out the blue he asked, "Why do you hate me?" His words are cut with worry and an emotion I can't decipher.

I quickly replied while mindlessly playing with fallen leaves, "You remind me of the thing I crave the most but will never reach, happiness. You remind me of happiness and I'm jealous. Okay? I'm jealous that you are at ease and I'm a mental mess who has given up at life."

He crossed his elongated legs taking the seat next to me, "But doesn't have to be this way. You have a choice and if you let me help, I promise I can heal you."

"But what if you can't? Then what?" My thoughts began to flow without hesitation. By now, all my insecurity is speaking for itself.

"Why always think of the negative side? The chance of being unfixable is slim to none." He says with the upmost positively and hope for me, the feelings I have lost for myself, "I know for sure you will be okay Cayden."

"No you don't understand." I crumbled the leaves, the smooth, rough texture disintegrating to small, sharp segments. "I'm a piece a paper. Once crumpled or torn, I'll never be the same, ever."

"But isn't the point of life to create yourself? Every tear, every laugh is supposed to mold you, it's supposed to make you stronger then before." He bites back.

"The key word is supposed to. It doesn't always work that way, life isn't a child's fairytale with a happy ending. Sometimes everything becomes too dark and there's no escape." I want to run. I want crumble away to every ash and run away from the world, my problems, myself.

Luke gently placed his hand in mine. It brought chills to my spine that my hand felt perfect in his. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I really am. But it doesn't rain forever Cayden, that's why there's always a rainbow at the end. You can't expect life to be without any difficulties, that's just unrealistic. But it does get better, it really does. It may not seem like it now but it will, it just takes time and you have to want to get better not sulk around."

And for some reason, his words made me almost cry. But I didn't, I had cried enough to last a life time.

Luke must have noticed as I wiped my eyes before any waterworks could burst.

"You can cry, tears means you are alive." His thumb rubbed small circles on my hand.

"No, I refuse to." I let go of his hand and reached my phone in my back pocket.

"Cayden-"

"We should go, school's going to began soon." I stand up, putting on the straps of my backpack, "My step mother will kill me if I have another absence."

He sighed, "Fine, but after school, it's time I introduce myself to her."