Before He Lied

Hardin Chapter 26

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
SENSITIVE CONTENT

I needed to leave, I couldn't breathe in that room. Revealing things about myself has never been easy but I know that if I want to have a future with Tessa I have to tell her. It's just hard to tell someone when I have spent year's repressing all my awful memories, I don't want to talk about it but I have to. It's just so painful for me to talk about, it's bad enough having nightmares about it every night. But ever since Tessa everything has been different, I'm actually able to sleep and for the first time in my entire life I have actually wanted someone to touch me. Honesty isn't something that I do
but I have to tell her, shutting her out is only making things worse.

...

After fighting with myself in my car I come to a decision, I'm gonna tell her. It's gonna be painful and hard but she deserves to know the truth about my past. I drive to a pizza place near the dorm and buy a large cheese pizza before I drive back to the dorm. Once I'm outside the building I sit in the car for what feels like an eternity, I keep psyching myself out. I really don't want her to judge me, I've never ever told anyone this before.

...

I finally gain the courage to go inside, I walk inside the building and take the elevator upstairs. I stand outside out door for 5 minutes before I finally open the door and and walk inside, she's sitting on her bed doing her homework when her eyes shoot to the door. Her eyes go to the box in my hand, the pizza is probably cold by now.

"Pizza?" She says with confusion.

"Yeah................I thought you might be hungry." He says nervously.

She jumps off the bed and walks towards me.

"Thank you." She says sweetly.

"Yeah."

I place the box on her desk and start slowly pacing back and forth, she sits on her bed.

"Hardin? What wrong?"

"Nothing I'm just.................thinking."

"Are you sure? If you want to talk you know I'm here for you, right?"

I stop pacing and look at her, she gives me the kindest most reassuring smile. I slowly sit next to her.

"Did I do something to upset you? I'm sorry about the condoms, I'll tell my mom to.."

"No, it's not you. I don't care about the condoms." He says shakily.

I start fidgeting with my rings and she gently takes my hands in hers. I look up at her and she gives me a concerned look.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get my thoughts in order." He says apologetically.

"You don't have to apologize, I understand Hardin. Take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere."

She gently rests her head on my shoulder while I take a few minutes to dig up the memories that I spent years pushing away.

"I was born in England 20 years ago....................my birth mum left me at a fire station right after I was born............................she was 18 when she had me and she didn't want me."

I tried so hard not to cry in front of her.

"Are you alright?" She whispers.

"I'm fine."

"You don't have to be fine all the time, that's why we have each other."

She squeezes my hand, I take a few more minutes.

"I was...........put into the system as soon as I was a baby..................I would bounce around from foster house to foster house never staying at one too long.....................when I was twelve I was put in another foster house and I stayed there for a few years.........it was me and three other kids............I was 2 years older than them. Kayla, Alexa and, Taylor...............I was the only boy and we all shared a room................the couple that took care of us were..................awful...................we were barley fed and barley had any clothes, when we would go to school the other kids would make fun of us because we wore the same thing everything...................they were kinda like my siblings and we would take care of each other."

I take a long pause because this is just too painful for me.

"It's ok, take all the time you need." She says softly.

"One night the girls and I were hungry because the couple was too drunk to feed us, Alexa said that she would go downstairs and find something for us to eat..................I begged her not to because I was afraid the man would hit her again..................she didn't listen..............she went downstairs and found a box of cookies.................she ran upstairs and we all hid under our beds while we ate them..........................................................the door burst open and the man came in and flipped over the bed................he then started screaming and demanded to know who stole the box."

I stop again because at this point the tears are too much for me............I look over and see that Tessa is crying too..........she sniffles and I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me.

"I didn't want him to hurt Alexa again or any of the girls so I took the blame for the cookies....................he grabbed me my hair and pulled me into his room....................................he locked the door and grabbed a belt from his closet.............................and he.................he."

Broken sobs escape his lips and quiet whispers fill the room as he tries to hold himself together.

"He started hitting me......................so hard..............it came to a point where I couldn't breathe.........................he kept hitting my back with the belt and I could feel my skin being ripped open.................there was so much blood and I cried so much.......................I begged him to stop but he..................he wouldn't...................once he was "satisfied" with what he did to me he threw back in "my" room and told the girls that they were next if they stole something. He slammed the door and the girls quickly came to me and they tried to help the best they could..................I had promised them that I would protect them and that I wouldn't let anyone hurt them..........they were my sisters."

A few minutes of silence pass as she wipes her tears away, I squeeze her hands in mine and gently play with the rings on her fingers.

"It's took three months for the wounds to "heal".................I told Alexa not to but she would steal medicine and other things from the corner store to help me..........once I was strong enough I told them that we had to run away.......we all agreed and that night we packed up what little we had and left....................we lasted two weeks on our own before we got caught shop lifting............they put us back in the foster system and we all got split up....................I was adopted by a rich family.........I never found out what happened to the girls...............we moved to the states because the family I was with wanted to..................I applied here and got in.............the only thing I know about my birth mum is her name.....Sarah."

"Hardin I'm....................I."

She's at a loss for words, instead she crawls into my lap and I rest my head in her chest, she gently runs her fingers through my hair. I just cry into her chest and she comforts me, after holding in my demons for so long it felt nice confiding in someone. She's the only person I trust.................. she's the only person I will trust.