Before He Lied

Hardin Chapter 24

It's been 2 weeks.

...

Every since that night we haven't talked, we haven't exchanged a glance but every so often to do look at her. I don't know what happened to her, I touched her before and she loved it but this time was different. There was so much fear in her eyes, she looked terrified.

...

When I left that night I had planned on going to Sam's house, I don't know why fucking Sam was the answer to Tessas rejection but it was. Once I got to her apartment I couldn't bring myself to go inside, I didn't want to fuck her. As hard as it is to admit all I wanted was Tessa, I never wanted a person so much. Instead I just drove around the city until I found a bar. I got wasted and woke up the next morning on the floor of the bathroom in the bar. I don't remember much but my knuckles were ripped open, when I looked in the mirror I had a huge black eye. Once I left the bathroom and walked back into the bar I saw that all the chairs were flipped and there was glass all over the floor. I quickly drove away before anyone saw me, I still don't remember what happened that night. This usually happens when I drink. I drove back to the dorm that morning and Tessa had already left for school, I cleaned myself up in the bathroom before I laid in my bed and passed out.

...

Today is the 13th day, we haven't talked in 13 days and tomorrow will make two weeks. It's been so awkward, I barley see her in the room anymore. She studies in the library to avoid me and the only reason I know that is because of my stupid community service. I wasn't planning on doing it but I need to see her, I see her as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as she studies. Occasionally she'll meet up with Zach and Kim, they would all laugh and Gavin even joins them sometimes. From afar they look like a group of happy college kids, the only problem is that this is the most she's smiled in a while. I wish I could be like Zach, no one would ever know this but I envy Zach, that's why I fucked his girlfriend. He's so perfectly annoying, as him and Tessa laugh and Gavin passes notes to Kim I wish that I was the one making her laugh.

...

The nights are the hardest, we both just awkward lay in our beds staring at the ceiling, neither one of us saying a word. She usually turns her back to me so that we don't stare at each other. The thing she doesn't know is when she falls asleep I sit up in my bed and watch her until I eventually fall asleep. In the mornings her alarm wakes me up and I pretend to sleep so she doesn't feel awkward while she gets ready, once she leaves I sit up and get dressed. I've actually been going to school just so that I can see her in the hallways, we don't have any classes together since we major separately but the 3 seconds I see her smile in the hallway is worth it.

...

At night while we lay awake I think back to that night. I have played this I night over and over in my head, I touch her underwear and she freaked out. I've touched her before and she was fine, this was the first time I've touched her underwear. I just wish she would talk to me, I just wish I knew if she was ok. I didn't know she was keeping something from me, she was right though. How can I expect her to tell me everything when I have given her nothing, she doesn't even have my phone number. It's just hard for me to talk about my life, especially to Tessa. I don't want her to judge me, I'm just so confused.

...

I'm currently in the library pretending to put books back when I'm really just watching Tessa .

"Excuse me?"

I quickly look over and see the librarian, she's talking to me.

"What?"

"You're putting the books on the wrong shelf, the hard cover books go on the top shelf on the other side of the library." The old woman demands.

"Why does it fucking matter where the hard cover books go? It's the same shit at as a soft cover."