Hardin Chapter 58

2.9K 86 221
                                    

I couldn't bring myself to go back to the dorm, I couldn't go back to place when I made love to her. I couldn't lay in that bed, I fucking couldn't.

...

I drive around the city, I don't have a destination.

I don't know where the fuck I'm going.

All I know is that I can't see her, I can't face her and not tell her what I did.

The guilt plunges a knife deeper and deeper into my heart every time I think about her, the problem is that she invades all my thought. Everything is about her in my head, everything.

Pretty soon there won't be much of me left, if this dagger isn't pulled out by her I'll end up right where I was before her.

...

I'm driving 20 over the speed limit, I'm flying past cars and the buildings are blurry as I fly by.

The rush I get when I drive fast is something I'll never be able to explain.

...

I run a red light, actually I run multiple red lights.

...

After driving like a maniac for a few hours I drive to a parking garage and drive to the top, I get out of my car and sit on the hood of my car while I watch the sunset.

My phone starts vibrating in my pocket, when I pull it out I see her beautiful face on my screen.

Without hesitation I click the decline button.

She proceeds to call again and I ignore the call again.

She starts sending messages.

I shut my phone off and shove it back in my pocket before I open the bottle of whiskey I bought and bring the rim to my lips.

The liquor burns in the best way possible.

I haven't drank in a month other than the champagne from the night before.

I stayed sober for her because under the influence of alcohol I'm a completely different person.

I don't care anymore, if I don't find something to distract me from the pool of secrets in my head I'm gonna go fucking crazy.

I take another chug before I put the bottle down and reach back into my pocket, I pull out a pack of cigarettes and my lighter.

I light one, once I inhale the smoke I finally feel relaxed.

I used to smoke a lot, drugs and alcohol were my escape.

I almost got into a car accident a few years ago so I decided it was best to stop.

Now seems like a good time to start.

...

A few hours later the bottle is empty and I have one cigarette left to smoke.

I shouldn't.

She's probably worried.

I don't give a shit, she's gonna leave anyway.

I light it and bring it to my lips.

The smoke fills my lungs and as I exhale I finally feel at peace.

The mix of alcohol and cigarettes gives me the high I seek and I'm finally able to forget.

...

The sky is fully dark and the city lights distract me from the problems I'm gonna have when I go back to the dorm.

After sitting here for a few hours I hop off the hood of my car and stumble back inside.

Before He Lied Where stories live. Discover now