Before He Lied

Hardin Chapter 54

⚠️SENSITIVE WORDS⚠️

As she lays on my chest and her quiet breathes turn into quiet snores I can't help but let the guilt consume me.

I had completely forgotten about the bet until she was taking the condom off me, I didn't have sex with her because I wanted to win. I had sex with her because she's the love of my fucking life.

But now I can't take it back.

I won.

I won in ways I didn't want to.

And now she's never gonna fucking forgive me.

Not unless she never finds out, I will make sure she never finds out. She trusted me too much, she was raped and she trusted me enough to have sex. I'm such a fucking asshole, I'm a vial disgusting creature and I deserve to be left. I deserve to end up alone, after what I did I don't deserve her.

She should leave me............but she can't............because I won't survive without her.

...

I lay awake as she sleeps, she clings onto me and her soft legs intertwine with mine. Our bodies cooled down so neither of us are sweaty anymore.

While she sleeps I'll occasionally look down to make sure she's breathing, I gently tuck her bangs behind her ear and lightly graze my fingertips over her lips and her nose.

I love tracing her face but I don't why, I just love everything about her.

...

I wish I could sleep..............I just can't...........not after what I did.

...

A few hours pass, some of the candles burn out and the room slowly becomes dark. A few are still lit.

She slowly stirs awake, I feel her hand rub down my chest to my abs.

"Hardin? Are you still here?" She mumbles.

I lean down and kiss her forehead.

"Of course love, I would never leave. Especially after what we just did."

She yawns before she sits up and rubs her eyes.

"How long was I asleep for?"

"Just a few hours."

I sit up.

I look at the clock, it's 3 am.

"Did you sleep?" She asks.

"No I'm not tired."

"Oh."

She looks at me, she examines my face.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"Nothing............why?"

"You just seem..........funny? Are you alright?"

"Yeah..........I'm ok."

She looks down at her hands and starts picking off the last of her red polish.

"Did you not like it?" She almost whispers.

"What?" I ask.

"Was it not good? Did I do something wrong? Is that not usually what happens? Was I supposed to do more?"

"Tess no........come here."

I pull her onto my lap so she's straddling me, I rest my hands on her back.

"Hey, look at me baby."

Her blue eyes pour into mine.

"Of course I liked it...............I loved it Tess..........every single moment of our first time.........don't doubt yourself like that."