The Quirkless At U.A. (Student Reader x Aizawa)

Chapter 49.

CW: HEAVY THEMES OF SUICIDE. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT FEEL SAFE IN DOING SO.

You know what's crazy?

Every single person you look at on the street has an actual life like yours. Hear me out, okay?

Like, they have complex, detailed, painful, joyful lives just like yours.

They could have gone through the exact same pain as you.

But you'll never know.

So, I looked at all of those innocent figures in the distance.

I hoped they weren't feeling how I was feeling.

I hoped they weren't finishing their story way too early.

Was it too early for me?

No. It felt right.

It felt necessary.

I'll miss this world. I'm not sure where I'll go, or what will happen.

I stepped up to the ledge, wobbling slightly. I removed my prized yoyos from my pockets, thanked them for helping me, and gently set them to the side along with my phone.

----

I'm a fucking imbecile. I was so caught up in finding her, that I forgot to take my scarf when I left my room. I might have needed that.

I'm not a God-fearing man by any means, but I prayed. That I would find her safe. Or she would return home.

But my prayers were not heard when she hung up the phone.

"F-fuck..." I whispered, staring at the phone.

This hurt. I couldn't protect her. She got to the point where she thought this was answer.

It wasn't over yet.

I wouldn't let it be.

Bakugo ran right past me on the busy street, sprinting off to God knows where.

Fuck.

'Where would she go?'

It was obvious all along. But I couldn't see that in my panicked state.

'Where...'

I looked up, spotting the building where I took her on that date.

'...She loves rooftops.'

She was always a girl who loved a view.

----

"HEY!" He shouted from behind. I turned around slowly- even in the darkness, I could still see how upset he looked.

"Just go away."

"Wait. Please. Just come down, please?" Shouta pleaded with me. His hair was tied at the back of his neck, and the poor guy looked exhausted.

But it had to be done.

"NO!" I raised my voice.

"I'll help you. I promis-"

"NO ONE CAN FUCKING HELP ME!" My voice strained in English.

"No one! You don't fucking get it! It's not that easy! IT FUCKING HURTS!! You don't know how it feels!! Constantly trapped in this fuckin' shitty cycle of pain and sadness, never being able to escape. Being away from my fucked up little family was meant to help things, but I still feel SHIT. And that's my fault. It's my fault that I'm still fucked up. I will be like this, in pain, for the rest of my fucking life!" I cried. He had this look of sadness, sympathy, and concern. It hurt me.

"I can't promise that it will get easier right away. But, it will get easier over time. We'll help you, and you'll have times like this less and less often. It will be worth it to stay. I know that it hurts. I know. But, it will be worth it to try."

I went silent, not wanting to break down right now.

"You can't fix this. No one can. This is it. I'm stopping this cycle. I'm so tired of it. I'm exhausted." I said, absolutely defeated. Below me was some grass behind the building, no people, nothing. No one to see, no one to hurt.

"I'm so fucking sorry I didn't see it sooner. I'm begging you, please don't. We'll grow old together, and we'll go drinking, and we'll do stupid fucking shit together. Come on. Please." This was the most emotive I'd ever seen the man.

I balled up my fists at my sides, my tears hitting the grass.

"I'm sorry." I stepped off the ledge, waiting to feel the wind below me.

When you do something like that.

When you allow yourself to get to that point,

You don't expect to regret it as soon as you step off.

You don't expect to want to clamber back to safety.

You don't expect your mind to change past the ledge.

You don't expect to think, 'Why did I do this?', 'I could have solved this easily.'

You don't expect to regret it.

You don't expect to have put everyone through all of this pain and suffering for naught.

You don't expect to wish someone would save you, when that's what they were trying to do all along.

You don't expect that regret.

And you don't expect when Bakugo Katsuki blasts you in the chest before you can fall.

He leapt off the ledge from next to me, holding onto it with one hand and blasting me back up with the other. I fell back onto the roof, into Shouta's arms. Katsuki pulled himself up off the ledge and practically tackled me.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" He screamed, holding me down along with Aizawa.

I didn't fight back.

I had nothing left in me.

"Because it hurt." I whispered, no longer crying. Shouta was hugging me from behind, and Katsuki was also squeezing me tightly, crying into my shoulder.

"Why did you try so hard to find me?" I said hoarsely.

"Because none of us want you to go." Aizawa whispered, his head on top of my shoulder, voice shaking. His fingers dug into me, holding on for dear life.

They don't tell you enough about the regret.

They'll tell you how suicide isn't the answer.

But they leave out that detail of regret.

I wish I had known.

I wish I hadn't felt that feeling.

But I was here now.

No undoing what I just tried to do.

They'd help me, right?

I'd hope so.

I'm... glad they found me.

Even if it meant the painful conversations to come.

The tearful hugs.

The scared faces.

The hard work.

The pain.

The pain I'd now caused others.

But perhaps I had to place this burden on my peers.

For it was not a burden, but something that the people around me would happily take on in order to help me.

Maybe I'd be okay.

Maybe things would work out.

I'll be fine, yeah?

----

A/N

Very short today, sorry! I've kinda been on a writing spree as a catharsis, so enjoy the uploads.

Goodnight,

Wyatt.