Will Of Fire ~KakashixOc (Editing)

Ch. 3 Funeral

Here's some depressing lyrics, just to set the mood... Plus, double update! Yeah!
(ﾉ-_-)ﾉ*.✧
Stigma by V
"I've been hiding it.
I've got to tell you something. Just to left it buried, now I can't endure it anymore.
Why couldn't I say it then?
I've been hurting anyway.
Really, I won't be able to endure it.
Now cry.
It's only that I'm very sorry towards you.
Again, cry because I couldn't protect you."

I stood on the outskirts of the crowd, wearing black shinobi funeral attire and a Genjustu to hide my appearance. I keep my exspression blank as I stare to the front of the crowd, wear Kureinai set flowers on my brothers grave. I could see the pain in her face, but her eyes were calm as she sets the flower down gently. As for me, I couldn't feel anything. Not the painful breaths that I take, or the aching in my heart.
From where I was standing, I could see little Konohamaru, not that he was little anymore, crying for his uncle. My brother.
My fingers twitch as I stop myself from running to him an comforting him myself, like a good aunt. My lips twitch in a half smile when I see Naruto there for him, rubbing his shoulder as he cries for his family. I raise my hand slowly, clinching the fabric above my heart.
"... I don't think I can handle much more..." I whisper to myself, almost breaking down then and there. It was like my heart was tearing into two, ripping the rest of me up with it.
When I look down at my hands, I see clean pale skin without any scars or bruises. I remember the face that I've created for myself, making my appearance very opposite of my actual one. I gave myself raven black hair and pale skin, with no curves and a little one the short side. All I left untouched were my eyes, can't bring myself to change then. If I did, it would feel like I was watching Asuma's funeral through another person's eyes. Not that I feel like I'm actually attending it now... I should be up there saying goodbye with Kureinai, but now I have to wait my turn like everyone else.

I wait patiently for people to clear out before I walk towards my brother's grave. Once I get it to myself, I kneel infront of it and carefully place a cigarette on the memorial. I lean closer and bow my head, resting it on his stone.
"Asuma Sarutobi... You... You weren't supposed to die before me." I whisper, hands clinched tight around myself. "Baka."
For a split second, I could smell him, just as the breeze moved past my nose I could smell his familiar scent. It was a manly sort of forest scent, with a bit of cigarette. It was comforting, reminding me of the father that I had lost only a few years before and now him.
"I saw you, Asuma. I saw what happened... I... I wasn't there for you." One single tear slips down my cheek, slowly followed by another. After my vision, I'd left Tobi saying that I'd be back in a few days and told him not to worry about me. He'd let me go eventually, but Asuma was gone before I had gotten the chance to save him. "I should have been. I was on my way after learning about what they did to Chiriku. The Temple of Fire... It was destroyed whenever I got there. I was too late, big brother. Hidan and Kakuzu, they destroyed everything. I wasn't fast enough to get there before you... And I'm sorry, Asuma. I should have been a better sister. I shouldn't have left you. I'm sorry, Asuma. I'll come back, okay? I'll come back if you do the same..." Tears were rushing down my face now, hot tears dripping onto his headstone. I couldn't see as my eyes drown in my own tears.
"Please, Asuma, please... Just come back..." I sob, quietly holding onto myself as I tremble alone on his grave. "I can do better, just give me another chance. I won't leave again, I promise. I'll... I'll pay for Cell 10's bill at the barbeque place for as long as you want. I'll get a boyfriend, just for you. Just, come back... Please, big brother. I need you, Suma." I crumble, collapsing onto the ground with a sob. I fold my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly.
"... I need you, Asuma..." I whisper to him, smelling his smoke. "I don't have any one... You were all I had left..."