I was spending the night at Buli's crib today. So we were sitting together having dinner. I had helped Lebo to make dinner which was pasta Alfredo with bacon and mushrooms.
"How was your session?" Lebo asks looking at me.
"It was a start, I just feel more still needs to be done." I say then see Buli nodding her head on the side of my eye.
"You were not being difficult nhe?" She asks.
"You know mos. When am I ever a difficult person?" I shrug my shoulders.
"Always." Buli butts in then I look at her.
"Yah, you see the nkinga is they were talking to me." I say to her then she looks at me then I look down at my plate and eat.
(Nkinga - problem)
"This is good. Might move in here." I say then Buli chokes on her food.
"No." She says drinking water.
"I hope you choke on that too." I say then she hits me so gotdamn painfully on my arm.
I bite my bottom lip then shake my head. "Lebo what do you say?" I ask looking at her.
"You don't bother me, but your sister wouldn't want." She says then I smile.
"When is she meeting umama notata?" I ask Buli with a smile on my face.
(Umama notata - mom and dad)
"You know, as annoying as you are, I love the fact that you love Lebo, cause you the hardest to please in the family." Buli says.
"To be honest, I'm not. The only thing, if she's ugly, eish haike, I give up." I say then Lebo nudges me.
"Aviwe." She says then I shrug my shoulders.
"Its how I feel." I shrug my shoulders.
"How you feel must change. That's rude." She says then I go back to eating.
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We finished eating and Buli washed the dishes cause Lebo and I cooked, so she didn't really have much of a choice.
We were actually now in bed, cause it's been a long day and we were tired. I was playing with my phone throwing it up and down waiting, or maybe hoping for Thandile to hit me up.
Shit, I missed her, but things were said and a part of me also didn't want to talk to her. Buli didn't really give me much guidance on what to do, I had to "figure" it out myself. Apparently life can determine some things.
But after today, I'm not gonna lie, I feel better, maybe because of the presence around me, but I felt refreshed and at peace. I'm guessing just a few more sessions and I'll be good.
Even when I'm good though, how am I gonna start fixing my relationship with Thandile? The more I thought about it, the more it was giving me stress. I drank some water. Have you ever felt happy when you pushed the thing that hurt you away, but when you take a second to think of the hurt, you are back to square one?
Buli didn't give me an answer on that either, just told me something indirectly. I know therapists don't have all the answers, but shit, can't they just answer a question instead of turning it into an entire maths equation that you have to figure out from the little they told you?
I opened my phone then opened Thandile's chat. My thumbs hovered over the keyboard but nothing sounded good enough to write, and she was online, what if she saw I'm tryna message her, so I couldn't even type and erase.
"I hope you not on Thandile's chat." I hear a voice say then I look at the door and it's Buli.
"I feel I need to say something." I say then she comes and sits on the edge of my bed.
"Not yet. You'll figure it out." She says.
"But you said-" she cuts me off.
"I know what I said, but you misinterpreting it. Think about what I said, and think about other people in your life that aren't Thandile and you'll figure it out." She says then I let out a sigh and look at the ceiling.
"But for now, leave Thandile alone. Even if she messages you, don't respond." She says then I put my phone down.
"And I spoke to umama. I need you stay until you start to go back to your normal self. She'll bring you clothes tomorrow. I'm giving this a month at most, cause I know you smart. You'll figure it out." She says then I drink water.
"But, don't lose sleep on it either. You need to rest." She says then stands up and goes to the door.
"Aviwe, don't over think it. You made alot of mistakes along the way, and you know what they are. To make this easier, just cause you my little sister, think about your past a little, then put that into contrast with what I said, and you'll know what I'm saying to you." She says.
"Sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow." She says then gets out and closes the door.
She opens the door again then I look at her. "I love you." She says then I let out a chuckle and get in the blankets.
"I love you too." I say then she hits the door and gets out. I don't understand why I had to go through this at my age to be honest. So annoying. Yet I'm guessing at the end of this, humbling.
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Translation
nkinga - problem
umama notata - mom and dad
YOU ARE READING
Always Forever
Romantizm"Meet Aviwe, the charismatic and captivating individual who seems to have it all - loving and supportive parents, a tight-knit circle of friends, and unparalleled popularity. She's the epitome of perfection, the object of every girl's desire. But wh...
