OBLIVIOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER 74: Haywire

~Love should not cause suffocation and death if it is truly love, Don't bundle someone into an uncomfortable cage. The bird knows where it belongs, and will never fly to a wrong nest~

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Yasmeen

I woke up to the sound of my alarm filling my ears. It is a bright spring morning, full of promise

Sadly, I was attacked once again by that same question I have been asking myself lately, have I made a mistake in bringing myself here? I have given up everything I had known and loved to start over here, only to find out that there was no new beginning here

For hours I lay in bed looking sullenly at the ceiling as though resenting the life Ahmad and I had cultivated for ourselves over the months. Like someone who cannot vomit despite horrible nausea, I lay there unable to move, frozen with resentment of process and change.

My relationship with Ahmad is now defined by these complex emotions, this mixture of nostalgia and regret

I wanted things to remain the same as the first few days I was here, I wanted his love and care to remain the same, which never did. And so I am wounded by my own feelings and resentful Ahmad didn't seem to care. Instead, He pushed me away, after feasting on my kindness

Its evident that love left us long back, we just got better. Ahmad better at pretending and hiding, me at ignoring

Once upon a time, Ahmad had swept me off my feet, and was all charm and charisma but then the magic slowly diminished and finally died due to his secret betrayals over time. Thousands of little resentments had replaced the early warmth.

I can't reconcile who he was, the man who was so kind and loving and considerate, with who he is now. I know the truth is who I'm seeing now, but I keep hoping the former man will come back. It's like I fell in love with someone who doesn't even exist.

I was startled when Ahmad yanked the door to my room open, He approached me with face resembling a calamity, his smile looking like jagged tombstones, and soul feeling like an abstract art.

"Are you going to my cousin's birthday party today?" He asked

"Yes, I almost forgot she invited me. I want to buy a gift for her first" I replied, with a wide smile plastered on my face

"No, don't buy it" he said

"What? Why?" I asked, with alarm and confusion, making him realize what he has done

"I mean, don't buy it now. I also want to buy something for her, give me the money, I'll add mine and buy something nice for her" he replied

He almost sounded convincing, but then again I know him too well. I know he would not buy that gift, he is just fond of stopping me from doing anything nice to anyone except his immediate family.

There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life we are living without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, so I did what he wanted to avoid any problems, I didn't buy the gift

While I was getting ready, I hummed my favorite song so full of excitement.

I suddenly stopped when I realized that my current mood is offending my husband, He was looking at me with angry eyes. If anger were mileage, Im sure he would be a very frequent flyer, right up there in First Class.

"Which one of these dresses do you think I should wear to the party?" I asked, pointing at my beautiful dresses, just to ease the tension building up

"We don't even act like a married couple, why are you asking for my opinion now? I would prefer it if you would stop pretending that we are normal all of a sudden" he said, The bacteria of resentment breeding inside him. He insulted my choice of clothing, and everything else about me.