OBLIVIOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER 42: The Miscarriage

~Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood~

*******************************

Yasmeen

The weekend break had begun with the usual resentment and had continued with half-repressed ill humour. It was, of course, Ahmad's fault. He had been more ready to hurt his wife's feelings and deprive her of her rights

As I lay in bed, Nausea bit at the lining of my stomach and my hands were covered in a fine layer of sweat

I feel weak, dizzy and I have no appetite. Nothing sits in my stomach, I've been puking my guts since morning. I also have a little bit of fever

When it became almost unbearable, I went to Ahmad and told him I wasn't feeling fine. We need to go to a hospital

"Liar, I know you're faking it just to get my attention. How pathetic, this will never make me love you more, only less. I hate emotional blackmail" he said, looking like a wild creature from the dark pits of hell

"I'm not lying" I said

"Fine, Let's go to the hospital, since you're hellbent on distorting my budget. I don't even know which hospital to take you, I have to ask Ummy first" he replied

"I don't even know why I should be the one taking you, most women take themselves to the hospital. My sisters also go to the hospital by themselves. It's like you don't know how to do anything" he said, as we made our way to Ummy's

"There is a hospital I know of, let me give you the address. They are very good and you'll save a lot. You'll thank me later" Ummy said, as soon as she heard why we were at her house

"Besides, you cannot afford to go to anywhere that is more expensive than this. You should not lie to yourself, for you are not a wealthy man. I think your wife deserves to know who you truly are and what you can afford" Ummy told us

She tore a piece of paper and wrote the address, she handed it to Ahmad and we headed there immediately.

On arriving, I notice that the hospital was as cold as dead skin, the hallway crowded with lost souls and reeking of illness.

The doctor looks like a ritualistic, with hungry greedy eyes. He gave me one look and said.....

"It's dehydration, we will put her on a drip and I'll prescribe some pills for her"

He asked me to lay on a bed that someone just got out of, without changing the sheets or anything and I was scared to the bones.

I looked at the bed, contemplating weather I should lay on it or not

"If you're really sick, this shouldn't bother you" Ahmad said, giving me a dirty look when he saw my expression as I looked at the filthy hospital bed

Without running some tests or anything, he prescribed some pain killers, an antibiotic and some sleeping pills for me.

I was discharged after a few hours, but I did not feel completely myself. Later that day, I started cramping again, I rested for a while but the pain didn't go away.

As the day slipped, I drifted in and out of consciousness. Ahmad was suppose to buy my medicine for me after dropping me home from the hospital, but he is nowhere to be found.

I called him and told him that we need to go back to the hospital, because the pain is back and he didn't buy my meds

"liar, you just want sympathy. Besides I don't have money to spare, I don't have the money to give you to go to a hospital. I will give you whenever I get it, but right now I don't." He said, dropping the phone on me

I quickly called a cab and it took me to a hospital, I arrived on my own and I never expected to hear my worst nightmare.

I was in excruciating pain. Walking from the car to the ward on my own, bent over in pain, was another time I felt so alone.

After running some tests, They told me I was pregnant. I called my mom and told her the good news, after which I texted Ahmad.

As I lay there waiting to hear a heartbeat,
the nurse said, "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your baby has no heartbeat".

From the second I saw the still ultrasound, my body responded with a wail of brokenness. Laying on the bed sobbing on my own without my partner was one of the worst moments of my life.

The nurse told me that I had had a missed miscarriage, so my body hadn't recognised the miscarriage. That's why I was in so much pain

I was just crying non-stop. Crying in pain, crying because I felt so alone and crying because I had lost my baby. After pulling myself together, The nurse transferred me from the ward to a room.

Here I am, Laying in the hospital bed, tucked into a cocoon of blankets trying so hard to control the shivers running through my body like a current as the incident kept running through my mind like a horror movie on repeat

In addition to feeling sick and tired and feverish and nauseated, I also felt forgotten. And there was no easy cure for that.

I stared at the closed door, hoping to see Ahmad once it opened. Only that it wasn't him, it's my mom making her way in. She turned her head towards me and her gaze stopped on me, there was something about this little moment that lasted an eternity

I quickly got up and she embraced me in a warm, comforting hug

We stood by the bed, with my vulnerability sheltered by my mothers arms.

"Where is Ahmad" she asked, suddenly

"He was running some errands for Ummy, I didn't have the time to tell him. And I didn't want to wait until something bad happens before coming to the hospital" I said, covering up for Ahmad

After a long and painful three hours, everything was over and I could go home. My mother  paid my medical bills, and took me home but I could barely sleep. Ahmad did not come home until about 2:00am with the meds, which are completely useless now.

I got out of bed around 2:30 am, and I went to the rooftop. It was giant and empty, I sat on the edge of the building and breathed in the fresh morning air

I just sat there and watched, I watched as the sky became lighter and lighter and in that moment I felt everything. And I cried, not because I was angry at the universe. I couldn't blame it for all the tragedies of my heart, I cried because it was beautiful and I was tired,

When the sky was so bright blue, I couldn't look at it anymore, because it made me sad and envious, swelling tears in my eyes and they dripped quietly on the floor as I got on with my day. I tried to keep my focus, ticked off the to-do list, did my chores. Wrote emails, paid some bills. But the anger and panic kept growing, exploding in my chest. Tears falling on my folded arms, tick tick tick, me not making a sound

I just didn't know what to do, Where to go or who to see and talk to. I try to be gentle, soft and kind. But anxiety eats me up and I just want to be fine.

It's been a few days after the miscarriage, but I have journeyed through a myriad of emotions. I found it difficult to articulate my emotions in these days, so I wrote and read often.

I was numb, confused, angry, sad, hurt, but most of all lonely. I cried myself to sleep most nights and genuinely felt that no one could understand my pain in this moment.

I wanted to tell my mother what's happening to me, how I felt and everything else, but I couldn't. Because Ahmad has threatened me, he has warned me not to. He said marriage doesn't work that way, and if I tell anybody what I was going through, that would be the end of our marriage.

*******************************
Thanks For Reading 🙏🤝👍🤟🏼✌🏼
Love You All ❤️😘😍💘❤️
Don't Forget To Vote, Share & Comment 🌹