OBLIVIOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER 79: A Spark To Pierce The Dark

~The most precious light is the one that visits you in your darkest hour. In the midst of all the darkness, a radiant light is taking birth in the unseen~

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Yasmeen

I and Ahmad had become muffled and distant over time, It was like we quivered as in a heat haze. Even in a stupor, you will know the details of us are dropping away from us like crumbs. We do not belong to each other, we just live life together as house mates

Love for us now seems like an occupation of the idle, we have outgrown it. We feel trapped by the traditional concept of love and marriage. It's like I'm letting my life pass me by. There is a whole new world and a new person to explore but I am stuck here instead

After the naming ceremony, My husband stopped talking to me. He is locked up and hard as stone. He stopped eating my food, and he comes home really late. About 1am or 2am earliest, he said he'd rather be anywhere else but home

There was a time when we were not talking to each other, the house was heavy and cold but not anymore, now it's better when we are not talking

He kept looking for bleeding scars, but couldn't find none, for I was dying inside. I feign fullness, but in reality I am achingly empty. Love has turned to be a sad tragedy of my life, An invited deal for losing peace

After finishing my house chores, I headed to ummys to spend the rest of the day with them as we usually do on weekends. I was about to step into the living room when I noticed she had company. She is seated in the living room with some guests and Ahmad's step father

Jaleelah told me it's Ameenu's future in laws and they are here to talk about his engagement with their daughter.

I decided not to intrude, so I went back home. I plugged my phone and was about to lay on my bed when I heard a light beep. I glanced at it and saw a new message from an unknown number

I quickly picked it up. Upon opening it, I realized it is the message I have been waiting for. I almost screamed out of joy

I lay quietly on my bed and read my precious love message

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Hey beautiful,

My love for you is like the scent of the evening sea, drifting in through a quiet window. I do not have to run or chase or fall to feel you, all I have to do is breathe

Ever since I saw you, The sky was never the same colour, the moon never the same shape. The air never smelt the same, food never tasted the same. Every word I knew changed its meaning, everything that once was stable and firm became as insubstantial as a puff of wind, and every puff of wind became a solid thing I could feel and touch.

I want to reach out and grab your hand and hold it to me, right over my heart, right where it aches for you the most in front of everyone and confess my love for you. I don't know if doing that would heal me or make my heart break entirely, but either ways this constant hungry waiting would be over

Love, Anonymous ❤️

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I am surrounded by darkness yet enfolded by his light for an instant, I could feel a spark piercing the dark inside me when I finished reading his message

I was smiling foolishly at my phone screen. It took me a moment to calm myself down and compose a reply for him

"Yasmeen: Thanks! But sometimes, I feel like you exaggerate the things you say you feel for me" I replied

"Anonymous: You don't understand, you make my feelings come out from my soul. I don't have control over it" he wrote again

"Yasmeen: Tell me who you are pls, how you know me and why you like me. I'm just so curious" I texted him back

"Anonymous: Sure love, I'll tell you when the time is right" he replied

"Yasmeen: You do know that I am a married woman right, I belong to someone" I wrote

"Anonymous: Yeah, but you only belong to someone if that person wants you" he replied

"Yasmeen: What do you mean by that?" I asked

"Anonymous: You know you don't belong to him or with him" he texted back

I was about to ask who when I realized he was talking about Ahmad. he continued

"Anonymous: Seeing you with him makes me feel pain. A lot of pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain of seeing you with someone else and my very existence have become one. The pain is an anchor, mooring me here. Making it easier to wait for you my love" he finally wrote

I was typing a reply when Ahmad came into my room, I quickly set the phone aside and lay there quietly wondering why he is here

"Do my nails for me" he commanded me, and those were his first words in a week

I did it so lovingly that you'd think we are a perfect couple

He also told me to trim his beard, and I did it the best I could. He looked puzzled when I was done because he thought this moment will lead to another, as it had happened once in the past. But he didn't have that effect on me now, I might be doing things for him but nothing sexual has ever crossed my mind while I was at it

He suddenly took off his shirt and looked at me, But his look felt like the cold cut from a many bladed knife

He held me by the waist and pulled me down on the bed, then he climbed on top of me desperately

I felt that once familiar touch that my body ached for but not anymore. Today, His touch felt like ice, so cold it burns. The thought of being intimate with him felt like It is the cruelest of destiny's tricks

He is darkness and I am darkness and it felt like there had never been anything before this time

I was laying motionless on the bed when he brought his lips to mine. In that moment, I felt only darkness and his lips upon mine. I tried to speak but his mouth was over mine. Suddenly I had a wild fear, and I surrendered to arms that were too strong, lips too bruising, and a doomed fate that moved too fast.

It felt really strange. I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, like when you're swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water is deeper than you think and there is nothing there

Ahmad broke the kiss and waited a few seconds for a response, He didn't know how to react to my non-sexualisation of him, and as he stared at my silent face, he recognized a familiar pain, a sense of not being there.

But he wanted what he wanted, and I gave it to him willingly. While we were at it, I made myself believe that I was fulfilling a marital obligation, performing a religious act, a Godly and charitable act

It was then I realized that Intimacy without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without intimacy.

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