Blue Eyes & Black Coffee. (WomanxWoman)

XXV

Unedited

Angelica in the MM.

Angelica stared into space as she sipped her wine, before sighing and slumping back into her chair. After Nichole went upstairs, Angelica stayed downstairs and cleaned herself up in the guest bathroom. She knew her wife needed some space and didn't want to bombard her. She watched Nichole grow into the woman she was now, but it came with a short temper and needing to blow off steam.

Little did she know it was the opposite in this case, the tears streaming onto Nichole's black silk pillow as she clutched it for dear life, holding her stomach as she cried softly. She wanted nothing more than to be in her wife's arms. She didn't want to go through this pain alone.

She felt as if a part of her was ripped away completely. She didn't tell Angelica that the doctor had to remove her uterus because the knife punctured through it. It's why she lost so much blood.

Angelica would be heartbroken to know that that Nichole couldn't have anymore kids, but she knew she was going to have to tell her eventually. It just hurt because Angelica can't have kids either, so now they were both out of luck. They would adopt, but Angelica had guns all around the house and that's an ultimate red flag for any case worker.

So they were stuck, except Nichole was the only one who knew that and it ate her alive. She knew Angelica wouldn't take it well, so she had to mentally prepare herself for the reaction she was going to receive. And she had to prepare herself physically.

"Baby?" Angelica asked through the door before opening it to see Nichole's red face stuffed halfway into the pillow. She was in her large work t-shirt and it made her own eyes tear up.

She silently walked over to the bed and removed her clothes before crawling next to Nichole and taking her in her arms. Nichole sniffed as she snuggled her face into Angelica's chest, wrapping her arms around her waist.

They both silently cried as they held each other, their unspoken words streaming from their squeezed shut eyelids as they grieved over their sweet angel that watched them from heaven. Angelica blamed herself, the guilt churning in her stomach and chest to the point where she felt nauseous.

If only she hadn't went was the only thought echoing through her mind as she started to cry harder, clinging to Nichole who was already fast asleep through her tears. She knew Nichole was probably going to hate her and started to mentally preparing herself for the distance and possible separation.

It broke her heart but she knew it was best in order to protect herself from falling back into the dark place she dug very hard to get herself out of. After Annabella, Angelica became a monster, at the club every night after work finding a new victim to destroy and kicking them out afterward. She didn't even do aftercare with them, immediately telling them to leave just to lock herself in her room and stare into the darkness.

She didn't want to do that again, especially knowing that everything was her fault in the first place. She felt responsible for everything that happened to Nichole and didn't want to cause anymore damage.

Both women sat quietly at the kitchen table, the sound of forks and knives scraping the black porcelain plates they ate their breakfast from. The atmosphere was tense, both women avoiding eye contact with each other deliberately.

"What are we doing today?" Nichole asked suddenly. Angelica didn't look up from her plate, pushing her eggs to the side as she shrugged slightly, causing Nichole to push her eyebrows together in worry. She knew something was off and it was more than what was going on. She hated when Angelica shuts down instead of expressing her emotions.

"What's the matter?" Nichole asked, causing Angelica to look up at her. Nichole's eyes stared intensely into her brown ones and she swallowed hard.

"Nothing." She breathed, causing Nichole to sigh and place her head down on the table. She was too mentally and physically exhausted to deal with this. She wanted nothing more than her partner to be the same caring, attentive person she was not even days ago. The shift in the atmosphere turned her stomach in knots from the moment she woke up this morning.

"Tell me.."

"I'm fine, nic."

"No you're not." Nichole suddenly sobbed causing Angelica to look up in shock. Nichole cried as she stood from her chair and walked over to Angelica.

"Why are you pulling away from me? Can't you see that we need each other? Don't do this to me." Nichole sobbed as she fell into Angelica's lap. Angelica held her wife as they both cried.

"I just don't know what to do.." Angelica sobbed.

"You don't have to keep it inside, Angie. We've been together for almost four years. We went through this together and I refuse to have it any other way." Nichole breathed as she grabbed Angelica's hand.

"I just blame myself for everything. I should've stayed home like you wanted me to but I didn't listen. I got the email and I just...and now I feel like you blame me too and don't want to be with me anymore." Angelica sobbed as her head dropped, the tears dripping onto her burgundy silk pajama shorts.

"No, baby..I don't blame you at all. I know how you are about work and you spend a lot of time with me. I don't think any different of you except that you have really bad anger issues that really needs to be handled. Look at your hands, baby. I know they hurt. You need rest. We both do." Nichole sniffed as she gently caressed Angelica's hands and bruised knuckles. Her skin was scarred from the tree scraping into her knuckles and the back of her fingers as she kept punching it.

Nichole leaned down and kissed her lover's hands before caressing them again as she looked up at the crying woman.

"Let's go to bed, okay?" Nichole asked as she stood up. Angelica nodded and stood slowly and walked upstairs with her wife hand in hand. They laid in bed together, each of their eyes melting into one another's in a loud silence as they laid across from each other.