Servant of Jotunheim

Mother

I enter the grand hall with Milea later that day and nervously take my seat next to the King, giving him a weak smile when he holds my hand under the table, gently squeezing it.

Loki: "Your mother is feeling well enough for you to visit her tomorrow" he whispers to me unexpectedly.

Me: "That is wonderful news. Thank you".

Loki: "Are you anxious to see her?"

Me: "I can hardly wait".

After dinner is over, we walk back to the his chambers together and he seems to have noticed that I have barely spoken a word all evening.

Even when we lay in bed together that night, there is this unbearable, emotional distance between us.

Loki: "Valanya, have I done something to upset you?"

Me: "No, not at all" I attempt to reassure him.

Loki: "But something is bothering you? Is it about visiting your mother tomorrow?"

Me: "Yes, I am nervous about that, but that is not it. I had to pay a visit to the healers earlier today".

Loki: "Is something wrong? Are you feeling unwell?"

Me: "I am fine, honestly. Milea noticed how hungry I was all day and when she questioned when I last bled I could not remember".

He sits up quickly and looks down towards my stomach.

Loki: "Are you?" he asks knowing exactly what that would mean.

Me: "No. She was mistaken" I sigh.

Loki: "How do you feel about that?"

Me: "I would be lying if I claimed I was not somewhat disappointed".

Loki: "You should have informed me. I would have visited the healers with you".

Me: "I suppose I did not wish to worry you or raise your hopes only to have you be disappointed as well. I was uncertain as to whether I should mention it or not, but I did not want to keep secrets from you".

Loki: "I am glad you told me and I will admit, I would love to have my child growing inside of you right now. It will happen when it is meant to be, my love. There is no rush for us".

Me: "Can you hold me?"

Loki: "Always" he smiles, kissing my forehead affectionately.

Even long after he falls asleep, I remain awake. I cannot help but feel saddened that I had momentarily allowed myself believe I may have been carrying the King's child.

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Ruth and Sara tend to my mother's needs while I anxiously wait outside the chambers that had once belonged to the Queen Mother.

The last time I had been inside that room was the day before the Queen Mother had passed, but the King had insisted she be comfortable and not have to stay in the healing room.

Ruth: "She is ready for you" she smiles.

They leave before I enter hesitantly, not knowing whether to believe that any of this is real.

I find her sitting in a chair, facing the window and looking out towards the kingdom below. The first thing I notice is that her hair colour matches my own.

Me: "Mother?"

She turns to face me, and I am initially shocked at how slender and frail she appears to be compared to the memories I had of her in my mind.