Toxic

Toxic: Chapter #43 | Panic Plan

Zach's Past

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⚠️Warning: ⚠️

This chapter contains a serious panic attack, anxiety, PTSD, a drunk character, restraining order violation, flashbacks, trauma responses and dissociation as well as a mental and emotional shut down. Take care!

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The first week at the university flew by and that following Friday I had a meeting with my coach. To say that I was nervous would have been a definite understatement. Giana had done her best to soothe my anxiety, but I feared it was a futile endeavor. Still, I appreciated the attempts.

As I stood outside the office, trying to work up the courage to knock, I knew logically there were two outcomes. Either they would let me keep my scholarship or they wouldn't, to say nothing of whether or not I would be retaining my position as captain. That thought made me wince and then grimace. My brow furrowed in annoyance, but it was my own damn fault for listening to Jayden.

Wait. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes, reminding myself of Giana's words earlier that morning.

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"Zach, I know you're nervous and that's okay. No matter what they decide you will be okay and no matter what, you need to remember that just because you did make the choice to live with him, doesn't mean that everything that happened to you was your fault. You didn't deserve what happened to you, you are a good person and there is no shame in admitting you made a mistake. You're here now and I know you'll work your butt off to be the best you can be. They recruited you for a reason. Just show them you're still you despite what you've been through. I love you."

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I smiled, opened my eyes and with the courage I'd built, bolstered by Giana's words, I knocked. "Hey, Coach?"

Coach Patrick opened the door almost immediately. "Hey there Captain. Come on in."

My stomach flipped with excitement at the title. He wouldn't call me captain if I was no longer going to be in that position, would he? I was almost certain I'd no longer be captain and I wouldn't blame him for making that decision. I was more than willing to earn that title back. "Thank you, Sir." I took a seat as he closed the door and watched silently as he went around to his desk and took a seat. Despite all my preparation, mentally and emotionally, I still felt a slight panic welling up inside me. I hate that he closed the door. It registered in my brain as trapped, no escape and Jayden.

"Are you all right, Zach?" Coach Patrick asked, his eyes narrowed in concern at my expression.

"Yeah, I mean no. I mean, umm Sir? Could we m-maybe leave the door ajar?"

He tilted his head and gave a slow nod as though curious but not willing to push me on it. He got up and opened the door, the action immediately loosening the knot in my chest. I was able to breathe easier and by the time he was seated across from me again, I was relaxed, well as relaxed as one could be in my place.

"Better?"

I nodded. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

He offered me a bottle of water which I eagerly and gratefully accepted. I nearly downed the entire thing before he spoke. "Well, I'm glad to have you back, Zach. I thought it would be good for us to have a chat before practices start up on Tuesday."

"Of course. I'm glad to be here and to see you again, Coach. I agree that a meeting is a good place to start."

"I'm glad to see you here as well." His eyes flicked to the door, and I could see the question in his gaze.