Toxic

Toxic: Chapter #54 | Fluff It Up

Zach's Past

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⚠️ Warning: ⚠️

This chapter contains lots of tears, vulnerability, soul baring, light angst and forgiveness. Take care!

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I was determined to earn back all that was Giana whatever it took, regardless of how long it might have taken. I had gone over a month without hearing her voice, over a month without seeing her and I wouldn't be able to go through that again. I needed her to know that I loved her and so I started by leaving her a note every single day with a Hershey's kiss attached to it. That was where I began while I put together the biggest flufftastic surprise in the history of flufftastic surprises. Flufftastic is absolutely a word, and no one can convince me any differently.

Anyways, on April 3rd, a year to the day that I had met her, I was waiting outside the Rising Sun Library when she got off work, but I was waiting next to my car while I watched her exit the building. I wanted to see her reaction to what I had done.

Giana locked up, turned around and froze on the top step of the library when she saw the first rose sitting innocently at her feet. The first rose was a light pink color and, as she kept walking, she discovered that the sidewalk was covered in carefully placed different colored roses, starting with light pink and ending with light purple and in total there were twenty-four roses. Despite that, I still wasn't done.

As she got to the parking lot, clutching the roses tightly I took a deep breath and then began reciting.

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I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

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Her eyes began to fill with tears as she clutched the roses even tighter but she wasn't walking away and so I kept going.

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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

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I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let her go, but I refused to do anything until I knew that I had her permission. She watched me with a look that told me I was almost there and so I began to sing the song I knew couldn't have been more perfect for this.

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What have I done?
I wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help out everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders