Chiara Rose

quarantasei

tw - mention of self harm and eating disorders

Chiara's POV

There are no words to describe how being cooped up at home made me feel. I am going to go insane, I swear to the good heavens.

It probably didn't help that I was giving my brothers the silent treatment. I still talked to them, but only when I really needed too. Like if they asked me if I needed something, or if I had eaten, or if the food I had eaten stayed in my stomach. I think you get the gist.

All the answers I was giving were very dry, and the only brothers who got not complete my dry answers were sometimes Enzo and Bruno. Because I figured they probably weren't included in the overall conversation where it was decided I would stay home. I wasn't going to be mad just because they supported it, well I was tinsy bit. I still preferred not to speak to them at all.

Carlo was still ignoring me like I was contagious and as mad as it made me, I think it hurt more than anything. The fact he wasn't talking to me because I had an eating disorder just really fucking pissed me off, it's not like I can do anything about it.

I honestly don't know how they thought me being home alone would be a good idea. Okay, I guess technically I'm not home alone since Tino is upstairs in his office but there's really not much of a difference. Me being alone with my thoughts? Yeah not a good idea, it was a miracle I hadn't relapsed on my wrists or with my food, but I wasn't giving up now. Got this far, why not make it even further?

Well, it would probably help if the bowl of grapes sitting in front of me didn't look so scary. I'd already eaten a few pancakes this morning, and I was still hungry. One part of me already felt guilty enough for eating the pancakes, and simply did not want to eat the grapes. The other half of me was about to pass out and wanted to eat, and knew I needed to eat.

Since when was eating so hard? All you have to do is put it in your mouth, chew, swallow and eventually shit it out. I guess I have to thank my mother for making eating so difficult.

I stood there, having a legit staring contest with this bowl of grapes. And the grapes won the fucking contest, how does that even happen? I let out an annoyed huff, grabbed my grapes and the book I was reading (Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover) and stormed off to Agostino's office. I didn't want to be there, but I needed to eat. Having someone there to watch me and keep me accountable has helped the past few days, and I pray it helps now.

I reluctantly knock on the door, and once I hear a grumble on the other side I let myself in. Tino is sitting at his desk, in a plain tank top and I can't remember what pants he was wearing. His glasses were perched on the end of his nose, and was currently peeking at me from over the top of them.

"What's up?" He asks, and I ignore his question and just sit on the larger couch in the corner of the room. I sit the grapes in my lap and somehow I end up in another staring contest with them, but I'm not going to lose this one.

"Can you come proof read this document for me?" He asks, I twist my head to look at him and find him looking sceptically between me and the bowl of grapes.

"Bring the grapes with you." He adds as I stand up to empty handed. I swiftly grab the grapes and walk over to him, where he's pulled out his chair and is tapping on his lap. I awkwardly sit on his knee, place the grapes on the desk and start editing away on the document he has open.

I'm mainly fixing capital letters, putting in commas and occasionally putting in a full stop. I'm not really paying attention to what the document is about, but I feel Tino reach around around my body and grab a grape.

"These grapes are good, try one." He mumbles, his voice muffled from the half chewed grape still in his mouth. Then suddenly I feel something poking at my lips. I peak down and find Tino trying to shove a grape into my mouth. I open up and the grape goes flying into my mouth, and I chew on it. It just tastes like a grape, oh wait now I want more.