All is Fair in Love and War (Alastor x Reader)

Chapter 13

Alastor sat at his office desk, slumped back in his chair. Tapping his fingers slowly and rhythmically along the dark mahogany as he stared mindlessly at the plethora of papers scattered across his desk. Papers about the hotel, renovations, activities and lessons, ideas for entertainment and shows for the patrons, some notes of his own accord. But although his mind scanned the sea of papers his mind wasn't on his work.

He was thinking about you.

Last night he had stayed for a while, lounging with you and engaging in conversation- a favorable pass time as of recently. His mind played over and over one of the more heartfelt parts of the evening, more specifically your nightmares; and the dull but unignorable ache in his chest when he saw you so vulnerable.

Normally he would adore to witness the suffering of another, beaming in their pain and woe.

But not you.

It hurt him.

To say it was an unfamiliar feeling was an understatement. He had grown fond of having you around, there was no question about that. He quite enjoyed spending time with you, he found you as alluring as he found you charming. He liked your wit and dry sense of humor, and that you didn't always take yourself too seriously. You did when it came to your overlordship and business, of course, but you could unwind around each other without care which was refreshing. He appreciated your bloodlust, it reassured him that his own merciless tendencies would not be an issue so long as they were never directed at you. Which he would never do. He truly meant it when he said he had no intentions of hurting you.

He also meant every word he said when he consoled you last evening. It surprised himself that he was capable of being so kind, he didn't even know where it came from. To be honest, he just said what felt right in the moment. The first thing that came to his head. But he meant. Every. Word.

He didn't even regret hugging you, quite the opposite in fact.

Ever since your date several nights ago he found he was starting to crave your touch. It was warm, inviting. It made him feel light and elated, and no, he wasn't used to it still. A part of him wanted to recoil out of sheer reflex. But the strange, happy feeling outweighed any discomfort he may have felt. As long as it was from you.

And when you both pulled away from your embrace last evening he found himself cold in your body's absence. Content nevertheless that it helped put you in a better mood, but he didn't want to let go. It was a cold, almost hollow feeling that seemed to haunt him since he left your hotel room. He wanted you. He wanted to be with you. To make you laugh and hear that sweet giggle, to hear your voice calling to him, to breathe in your sweet scent, to see you smile, to hold onto and banter with. All of it.

He was hesitant to admit it to himself. Scared, even. But he was attracted to you and he cared about you, deeper than he anticipated. He was falling for you faster than he could catch himself. But surely he couldn't fall in love... Could he? .

Any other demon he would have dismissed with a mere wave of the hand, without as much as even a second thought. No one has ever quite caught his interest in such a captivating way. He never saw any use in romance or love. But as he sat there he wondered if maybe there wasn't meant to be a 'use' for it, maybe it was just there to bask in and embrace should the feeling spur. It felt so easy with you. This was unlike him. But he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop either.

He sighed deeply in annoyance and flicked a pen that was by his hand, sending it flying full force across the room. Only for his shadow to manifest on the opposite wall and catch it before it hit the ground, and brought it back over to him.

"You seem distracted." His shadow signed to him, looming over the stag.

"What of it?" Alastor replied flatly, not bothering to look up.

The shadow cocked it's head to the side, it's grin widening to match that of its masters. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"

Alastor grit his teeth behind his tight smile and clenched his fist that was on his desk. "You know why I won't do that."

"You're scared of being rejected?"

"That's certainly one way to say it." He grumbled, standing up out of his chair and walked over to the large glass window by the far wall, gazing down at the chaos that was Hell below.

"You must understand," he continued, "if I were to admit to her, what's the worst that could happen? Off the cuff, she may assume I'm just trying to use her as a means of personal power. Or, think I'm just trying to claim her as some sort of trophy."

His shadow moved closer to him, staring at his master. "Do you think she has a reason to believe that?"

"Are you truly asking me that?" He scoffed. "I'm the radio demon. A notorious trickster. A deal maker. It's an unwritten rule not to trust me, what more of a reason does she need?"

"But if your feelings are genuine, why would that matter? If you have nothing to hide then why are you afraid?"

Alastor sighed heavily and looked back down to his feet, his smile threatening to falter. "Because what if she doesn't feel the same and I lose her... completely?" Alastor placed his fingertips onto the window, feeling the cold glass against his skin, before scratching the glass with one of his claws until a tiny series of cracks was left behind. He pulled his hand away and with a snap of his fingers the damage was no longer there. "She may be repulsed and I lose the privilege of her company for good. Then of course, there's also the chance she may become angry and try to fight me. The part that breaks me the most about that is, I dare not hurt her if she tried..."

His shadow let out an audible sigh, moving back over to the bucks desk as Alastor turned around and walked back over to his desk, flopping onto the chair. He held his head in his hand, subconsciously holding the spot on his cheek you had kissed some nights ago. He chuckled softly at the thought, a warm smile spreading across his face as he remembered how soft your lips felt against his skin. "I don't know how much longer I can let this fester. I want to hear that laugh and know it's from me. To get lost in those eyes, to make her mine. All mine. Ugh, listen to me. I sound like a damn fool..."

"You should tell her. Maybe not right now, but eventually you'll have to."

"And if I don't?"

"You'll hate yourself for never knowing how she felt, you'll miss an opportunity at happiness, you risk her moving on and finding someone else, shall I continue?" His shadow pressed on. Alastor slammed his fist down onto the desk in frustration and defeat. His shadow was right. You weren't going to stay in this hotel and hang around forever. Eventually you would finish your work here and go back to your home, he wouldn't have the privilege of seeing you as often as he did now; that was a lot of time and room for you to move onto something -or someone- else. It was going to eat Alastor alive if he let you slip from his grasp.

He couldn't let these newly found feelings and desires just lie dormant as if his mind was some coffin to harbor them in. At least if he finally told you, even if you didn't reciprocate, he wouldn't have to guess and live with the unknown.

He sighed, brushing his hair out of his face with his fingers and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I will tell her. I have to."