Only Freaking Superhero's

chapter 47

arizona's pov

mads has still been struggling with her drug cravings often but mils is helping her through it all. she has finally gotten better at coming to mils or i when she is struggling with a craving and needs a distraction but she still finds it hard to find a way to distract herself. i feel so sorry for her but i don't really know how to help her much more. mils is much better at this than me as she knows what it feels like but i am trying really hard to do everything i can to help my daughter.

madison's pov

i have really been struggling with everything today. i woke up this morning and craved drugs, though i'm starting to get used to this because it happens pretty much everyday, but it really was not that bad so i did not tell either of my mum's and just went to school. things just seemed to get worse from there as i could not focus on anything because i just wanted drugs so so badly. i still do. 

i drop eden off at home and during the whole walk to her house she would not stop asking me what was wrong and why i wasn't talking much. i told her i just had a bad day at school and luckily i could get away with that until we reached her house. i give her a quick kiss, lingering on her lips slightly, before i walk off and head to the hospital. 

when i get there, i go straight to the attendings lounge like i always do and stay there for a while, hoping that someone will come in to help distract me from my cravings. after around 30 minutes it gets too much. my legs are bouncing and i cannot stop fidgeting with my fingers. i need drugs. now. i really really need drugs now. 

i begin to walk around the hospital as i know there are drugs all over this place. mads, stop, you are not supposed to be doing drugs, you are 56 days clean. come on. you can keep this streak. imagine how disappointed mum and mama are going to be when there hear about this. i continue to tell myself things like this but nothing is working. i am desperate for my drugs.

i quickly sneak inside a patient room and discover a cart in there. perfect. there must be some drugs for me in here. i begin rattling around in the draws, looking for anything i can take just to ease the craving. suddenly, i accidentally knock the cart over and it makes a huge bang. i begin tidying everything up but i soon notice the bottle of pills that had emptied all over the floor. perfect. 

just as i grab the bottle, the door opens. 

'mads?' link questions. he quickly looks down at me on the floor and notices the bottle in my hand. 'omg mads. please. look at me.' he crouches down on the floor next to me and takes the bottle out of my hand. 'you don't need these to be okay. i promise you. all you need is a little extra love and support, and i am here to do that for you, and jo, and your mum, and arizona.' he obviously doesn't know arizona is my mama now. 'please, tell me you haven't taken any of these pills.'

the tears begin spilling out of my eyes like a waterfall and i feel as though i cannot control anything anymore. i want those drugs so badly but link has put them all back in the bottle and there is no way i can get them. i try to tell him that i haven't taken any but all that comes out is loud sobs. i watch link try and be sneaky and page someone behind his back, but he isn't very good at hiding it. he moves me across the floor so that i am sat on his lap with my head nuzzled into his chest and rubs my back in an attempt to calm me down. it's not working. 

arizona's pov

i get an emergency page from link telling me to go to a random patient room and i quickly freak out. my instant thought is something has happened with mads, even though it could be any patient who is a child. i don't know why link would page me directly though and not just peds. i panic and run straight to the room, stressing about what is going on. 

as soon as i open the door i realise my instincts were right as i see mads sobbing in link's arms. mads turns around and immediately stands up to hug me. i slide down the wall with mads holding onto me and she sobs into my shoulder. 

'hey, mads. it's okay. i need you to calm down for me. we don't have to talk about this right now if you don't want to, but i just need to know that you're okay and that you're safe.' i hold her hand in mine and stroke through her hair softly. 'listen to my heartbeat and follow my breathing.' almost instantly, i notice my heartbeat beginning to calm her down and she is trying her best to follow my breathing but her breaths are a little bit shaky. 

eventually, she is more relaxed and lays her head in my lap so that she is looking up at me. i continue combing through her hair with my fingers, because i know that that helps to calm her down, and i love it. i feel so comfortable with mads now, even more than i used to which i didn't think was possible. i love mads with my whole heart and i can't bear to see her like this. 

madison's pov

'i didn't take anything mama. i promise. link caught me before i could.' he gives me a sad smile but i know deep down that it is for the best. no matter how much i want drugs, i know that i have to seek help and not take them. i'm lucky that today i was caught because i know that i would regret it in the future if i relapsed. 'i really tried to not get myself here, but i couldn't talk myself out of it.'

'it's okay, i know sometimes things are hard, but you have to come to someone and seek help, not try and deal with it on your own.' mama replies sadly.

'i know. i know. it's just a struggle.' mama says nothing more but squeezes me tightly, making sure that i'm okay.