The Senior - j.b

3.4

c h a p t e r:  37
u n e d i t e d
Hope

I could not forgive him for what he had done to me the last few weeks. It broke me in pieces and brought back memories and horrible nightmares. The nightmares I had were something I never talked about because I was so ashamed of them and I was afraid of how people would react. 

I've had those nightmares and I've awakened the same time every night, at two o'clock. She always woke up sweaty, breathing heavily and crying. I've had them since it all started six years ago. When I was eleven, I had started it all. I was so young and it was always easy for me to cry. I guess the sensitive part of my brain is bigger than other parts. 

When it got worse in school, my dreams got worse. Every time I woke up I would always lie down in a fetal position and cry and pray for things to improve until I fell asleep again. Nobody knew about this and no one would ever do it either. The thoughts about my past made me start crying again in front of Justin but at the time I did not care. 

Justin looked worried when I started to cry and came up to me. But as usual I've done the last few years when I'm at my breaking point, I walked away. Afraid to let someone see me as soon as I was in my most vulnerable place. I knew it was bad to step back if someone was there to comfort you or so, but I've always had issues with confidence. He frowned at my actions and tried again, but as the first time I set it aside. 

I pulled my knees up from my chest and sat on a small ball and just wanted to disappear from the world and get into a better place. I heard Justin sigh, which made me even more upset. He sounded like he was tired of all this and thought I was a coward for my actions. But I was in ruin and never thought this would happen again. When I inhaled, my breathing was very unstable. I felt his arms around me and this time I could not keep them away. It was frozen. He sat down and carried me to his chest. I do not care that I was half naked and only had the panties and a white shirt that belonged to Justin. 

"Shh ..." He whispered in my ear as he rubbed my back. I broke down into his lap and he let me cry in his arms. It felt good to be in someone's arms. I remembered when I sat on Jake's lap and cried for hours.

When I told him everything that had happened. The weight I felt left my shoulders and my heart. At that moment I knew that someone was worried about how I felt. When I told him the whole story, my relationship with my brother changed. We are getting closer. We've always been close, but I think when you see someone you care knocked on their absolute breaking point you learn. Then you also get closer to the person by trying to make them happy again. 

Something I also learned about Jake was that he knew he would always be by my side, no matter what I do or whatever happens. He would always be a shoulder where he could support me and protect me, it's because he never left my side when I was most vulnerable. 

Justin was still rubbing my back as he rocked our bodies. I felt his lips kiss the top of my head. I also hummed a song, which made my body relax. After a long time crying my tears disappeared, I could not cry anymore, my last tear had fallen. I moved away from Justin's grip, not so much I could see his face only an inch away from mine. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I took a deep breath. It was not as deep as the first, but almost.  "I'm sorry." My voice cracked as I spoke and looked at him. 

J U S T I N

She sat in my arms crying. I kept a strong hold on her as I was rubbing her back and rocking back and forth. I really saw how bad it was. I never thought she was so broken. I knew she was shy and she was the one who was always in the center. I witnessed something that I do not think many people around you have seen. I saw her in her most vulnerable place. She showed me her broken side. It hurt to know that some people sank her so deep and left her there alone and knew that I had been one of them. 

"I'm Sorry" She said and gave me a weak smile, her eyes all red and swollen from crying. She looked so innocent and vulnerable when their eyes met mine 

"You have nothing to apologize for." I told her with a small smile. Seeing her break down like this, I felt guilt rush through my body. How could I have done something like this to her? Even if it was a joke, it wasn't a funny one.

H O P E

I look down on my lap to play with my hands, full of shame. I was angry at myself for letting myself break down in front of him, but some small part of my body said it was okay. 

"It's okay, my love." He said, the last part giving me butterflies and warmth. I blushed and kept my eyes down. He put his hand under my cheek and made my eyes meet his gaze. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, we all have to cry at some point and let it all come out." He gave me a warm smile and I gave it back.

The realization struck me and I realized that we were sitting here with a very minimal amount of clothing and the blush took over my cheeks as I chuckled. Who would have thought this would happen 
a few weeks ago ? 

"What is so funny?" He asked as he frowned with a smile on his lips. 

"We're sitting on the floor half naked and I'm on your lap," I laughed and he joined me as I nodded. 

"I like that" 

"What?" I frowned as I looked at him and gave me a smile. 

"When you laugh, it's like the sound of an angel singing."

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- Sam 💞