Looking at you side ways

42

Derek had to drive slowly due to the driving rain.[i] It was a wicked night in Seattle with the heavy rain, thunder claps and severe lighting. The radio was advising all people to stay off the streets unless it was an emergency. Well, it was an emergency to him to get to Meredith as soon as possible.[/i]

The first thing he noticed when he turned onto their street was that the power was out. He pulled into the driveway and got out his big umbrella he had stashed in his locker and made a run for the front door. He stepped into the foyer and shook off. It was pitch black inside.

He called out, "Meredith? Honey where are you?"

They had a big flashlight in the utility room.[i] He just had to get to it. She was probably upstairs.[/i] A lightening bolt illuminated his way and he walked quickly and got the flashlight.[i] Then it was dark again. [/i]He opened the garage door and was thankful that her car was in there and it was wet. [i]She had to be here. [/i]Derek moved the light over the utility room, kitchen, dining room, living room and foyer and lower bathroom. She wasn't downstairs.

He slowly made his way up the stairs and went into her room.

"Meredith? Where are you sweetie?" Derek swept the light back and forth over her room and bathroom. Puzzled, he wondered [i]where she could be.[/i] He went back into the hall and swept the light over the hall bath and his room and Mark's. His anxiety grew as the rain beat against the house and tremendous thunder bolts shook the house and lightening danced crossed the sky.[i] Would she be in the basement? Maybe. But he was on the top floor. He would work his way down.[/i] He started in the hall bathroom and pulled the shower curtain back. There was no one in the room. He went back into her bathroom and looked in the tub. He stepped into her room and saw her closet door ajar just a fraction. He walked over to it and pulled it open. He shone his light around.[i] She was huddled against a back wall clutching a full bottle of unopened tequila and rocking to herself and crying. [/i]

Relieved, he approached her cautiously and sat the flashlight down so that it illuminated the closet but wasn't directly in their eyes. He sat down next to her and gently took the bottle from her hands and sat it down away from them. He gently turned her shoulders to hold her better and wrapped her in his arms.

"Oh Meredith. Why didn't you wait for me? I would have taken care of you." He gently rubbed her back up and down her spine with his large hands. She shivered and he realized she was soaking wet. He rubbed harder trying to warm her up and ran his hands up and down her arms too.

Meredith cried and rocked and let him comfort her. Every time a thunder bolt would hit, she would cry harder and he would hold her harder. [i]When she was little and her parents would fight, she would hide in her closet to drown out their heated shouting. And the night her dad left forever, it was a bad storm so she always associated storms with the pain of her father abandoning her.[/i]

Finally, she said, "I...can't.....I can't do it..anymore. I can't! I'm just exhausted. My mother is exhausting. Being an intern is exhausting and trying not to fall for you is exhausting."

Derek said, "Meredith. You don't have to do any of this alone. I am here. I'll help you with your mom. I'll help you get through our intern year. And I am falling for you too. I am here for you Meredith and I am not letting you go."

Meredith continued to cry and whimper, "Derek. I am a bad daughter. My father left when I was five and never looked back. I couldn't keep my mom's secret. I am a bad doctor. I knew she wasn't eating. I should have picked up on the clues. But I didn't go as much as I should of because I was busy and I hated going and today.....today...I wished my mother had cancer! My God! You don't want to get involved with me. I am too scary and damaged. I am damaged goods Derek. And I'm in my dark and twisty place now. If you had half a brain you would run out of here and get as far away from me as possible."