Looking at you side ways

25

Meredith stopped off at the nursing home for a quick visit before heading home. Ellis was unusually docile and they told her that she wasn't eating. Meredith stayed until it was time for Ellis to go to bed. As she pulled into the garage, she noticed that Derek's car was in the driveway.[i] Crap,[/i] she thought. [i]She hoped she could get to her room without him noticing she was home.[/i] She came in through the utility room and walked into the kitchen. She got some water and went upstairs.[i] Maybe Derek was already sleeping.[/i] As she hit the upstairs landing, Derek stepped out of his bedroom. He leaned against the door frame and watched her with dark eyes.

[i]He was only wearing pajama bottoms and his hair was all wild.[/i] Meredith glanced at him and mumbled, "Hi." [i]Shit[/i] Meredith thought. [i]Why does he look so sexy?[/i] She headed down the hall to her room and as she walked past him, his hand shot out and grabbed her arm.

"What you are doing Derek?" She glanced down at his hand.[i] She had hoped she could just go to her room and shut the door.[/i]

[i]Derek couldn't believe that she was going to just say hi and walk past him.. He had been laying down thinking about her. More like obsessing about her. Thinking about her soft, pliant body ... He had heard her come in and wanted to talk.[/i]

"We need to talk."

"Now is not a good time Derek. I have to get up early tomorrow." Meredith was in full avoidance mode now. [i]She really didn't want to talk to him. [/i]His hand was like a brand on her arm.

"Oh; you are going to use work as an excuse to blow me off?" He angrily took his hand and put his hands on his hips.

Meredith sighed. [i]It had been a long day and she didn't want to get into this with him.[/i]

"You have been avoiding me Meredith."

"No...no I haven't," she mumbled.

"And you are not looking at me."

She glanced up at him and said, "I'm looking at you."

"Only if I make you. Did I do something to offend you?"

"No. Look Derek. I am tired. You are tired. Let's talk tomorrow. Okay?" she asked hopefully.

Derek raised his voice and said, "No! It's not okay! You are avoiding me and not looking at me! And I want to know why?"

"Fine! Okay. I don't know who is going to show up any given day. You treat everybody the same, except me. Nice, easy going, friendly Derek. You are hot and cold towards me. One day you are my very considerate good friend and room mate and the next day you are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You have said some really nasty things to me in the past couple weeks and I don't appreciate it. I don't deserve it and I don't have to take it! I should ask you what your problem is with me!

Derek stared into her dark flashing green eyes.[i] He knew he was being an ass. He couldn't help it. She drove him crazy. She didn't do one night stands and she didn't do relationships with nice guys. What in the hell did she want[/i] he thought to himself.

"Nothing to say for yourself? You were the one who wanted to talk. So talk!" Meredith said, a little too loudly.

"Meredith. I....what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you doing with Jaake?"

"My love life or lack there of is none of your business."

"Really? Well he made it my business. He just spilled his guts out to me at Joe's. Told me how he told you he loved you and you dumped his ass. You were the girl he wanted to take home to meet his mum. His words, not mine, by the way!" Derek said angrily.

"You don't know anything about it! And you are a fine one to talk. How many one night stands have you brought home? At least I stick with one person!"

Derek shrugged and glared at her. "At least there were no expectations on either parties end."

"Yeah, well tell that to Addison. I think she wanted more than a one night stand!"

Derek said, "That was a mistake. I grant you that. But I sure as hell wouldn't have pegged you for that girl."

Meredith said angrily, "What girl?"

"The girl that is a fucking tease. The girl that gets a nice guy to fall in love with her and then breaks his heart. The girl that you want to take home to meet your mother and family because you want to spend the rest of your life with her. The girl that I...."

Meredith glared at Derek and then felt ashamed.[i] She had liked Jaake enough, but after Cristina had asked her about the resemblance to Derek, she had asked herself some long hard questions. And she didn't like the answers. It made her sick. Damn! Fucking Derek had hit the nail on the head and didn't even know it. She had been fantasying about Derek when Jaake had been making love to her. She thought it was casual and she would grow to like him more. He was a great guy. He was the perfect guy. He was the perfect guy for her. And then he had said it. He loved her. She felt like she was using him and broke it off. She wasn't that girl. Damn Derek Shepherd. He was in her fucking head. He was seriously fucking up her life. [/i]Meredith felt the tears build up and she knew she had to get away.

Neither Derek nor Meredith heard the front door open. They were too wrapped up in their fight. Mark stood at the bottom of the stairs and openly stared at them. He could hear them yelling out on the porch. They were standing inches away from each other.

"You don't get to talk about my love life Derek Christopher fucking Shepherd! You'll fuck anybody, including empty headed models!"

"And you fuck nice guys, let them fall in love with you and then fuck with their heads! Who is the bigger wh......" He hissed loudly back.

Mark interrupted as he headed up the stairs quickly, "Hey! What the fuck is going on with you two? I could hear you guys outside."

Meredith screamed at Derek, "When our intern year is up, I want you out of this fucking house! Out! Out!" She spun on her heel and slammed the door of her room.

Derek screamed back, "Fine. I don't want to fucking live here anyway!"

Mark was staring at Derek.[i] He had never, ever heard him talk like that. Derek never lost control. Ever. [/i]Mark went to Meredith's door and knocked. He could hear her crying. He tried the knob, but the door was locked. "Please Mer? Open up. Let's talk about this."

She shouted through the door, "Go way!"

"Meri. Please?" Mark heard another door slam and realized she had gone into her bathroom. He turned around and looked at Derek who looked a little shell shocked.

"What the fuck Derek? What was that all about? What are you doing? You made Meri cry!" he accused.

"What am I doing? I am going to bed. That's what I am fucking doing!" Derek slammed his bedroom door so hard that the hinges almost came off and the sound reverberated throughout the house.

Mark stood in the hallway dumbfounded looking back and forth between the two doors.[i] He was so thankful he had not brought his one night stand home to witness this mess. She worked in human resources at the hospital. Thank God for cars with lots of head room. Oh, it was a scotch night and definitely more than one. What the fuck just happened between those two[/i] he wondered.